With each day gets harder and harder. What am I doing? Why is this happening to me? Why do I constantly cry and in constant pain? Everyday I wake up feeling worthless and pathetic. Sometimes I feel like is living even an option for me at all? I have so much love to give but the ones that I hold dear to my heart just doesn’t seem to notice how much pain I’m in. Lately I’ve been contemplating a permanent sleep. If I don’t wake up the next morning, will they realize that I’m actually gone? Or will they just ignore me like usual. I’m so tired of crying myself to sleep at night. I just want to go to sleep and not wake up. I’m so fucken done… I’m so done feeling worthless, pathetic and like a piece of shit. …..
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🙁 I’m sorry you feel so sad. I hear you. I have been here often too. The most important thing is to be kind to yourself. You can do that. Remind yourself you are trying really hard to get beyond this. I get told by my counselor I am too hard on myself. I see that in you here too. Because you can’t see beyond these problems, you feel overwhelmed and question the purpose of it all. 🙁 YOU my dear are the purpose. Feeling worthless is a learned behavior from observing how others treat you. Getting angry at them has a limited benefit. But being angry at yourself pays off. You get so angry and you cover up the fear of why your friends aren’t there for you.
(((((hug))))) It is not fair. You need support. I also do not have support and it is impossible to get over. We need people who need us too.
Still, you can be kind to you. Don’t make this worse. When you feel the pain, tell yourself how it is not fair to have to shoulder this pain. Tell yourself how it feels, journal about it. Get it out.
There is only one you who can do what you need to do. Don’t give up in finding that purpose, finding who you are meant to be. As you do this, you’ll find like minded people.
I am speaking from experience. I am trying to do this too. It is tough. I wish I could grab my friends by the collar and say, can’t you SEE me?? But they can’t. I feel like I live on a deserted island where I can see the next island and all the people. But they can’t see me. 🙁
I hope your Wednesday is a good day! Take great care of YOU.
Thank you for those word of kindness and encouragement. I wish I can grab my friends and make them see how much pain I’m in and that I need them more then ever but I can’t force them to see me when they’re not always around. I’m just tired of feeling hurt all the time and feeling like I don’t belong. That was my first post onto anything like this. I want just cry and cry all my sorrow and misery away but by doing that will not accomplish me anything. Slowly I have been doing better and having a tiny bit more confident in myself. Again thank you for your kind words. It means a lot to me. If you ever feel down, I would like to let you know that I want to be there for you as you have been for me. Thank you.
P.S… sorry I forgot something (and sorry you might have been expecting two people posting to you…).
I also cried and cried and didn’t know why. First it was once a week when my work week was over. I had NO idea what that was about. I thought I was going crazy. The crying increased to all weekend. 🙁
It has taken me a long time to understand what was happening. Basically I had repressed feelings and memories all my life. My parents always fought. I was afraid of them. I went into a shell at a very young age. Maybe the shell grew as I grew… I first remember being afraid in preschool (my sisters and I attended for a short time- less than 6 months? when I was two or three.)
Anyway, to make a long story SHORT I had no clue to why I was feeling so bad. Feeling so isolated, wanting to be alone all the time. Now, I know what has happened. I know I have issues I need to talk with a counselor with. I’ve had counseling but never once did a counselor dig a little deep into my childhood. I started counseling when I was 29 or so. Now, it has been more than 20 years! I don’t have a family. I don’t have close friends. I am alone.
But I have me now. I will find someone to help me with these memories. I recently found a type of therapy that speaks directly to the experiences I had.
I can be so mad at the fact that I lost over 20 years! And I am!! But again I have ME.
Please keep going. Please keep searching. You have a reason you are crying. Be strong. You can find help. You can write here, talk it out. The more you know the better.
Each person is different but the same. We are all going through crap we don’t understand and that it is hard to believe in ourselves from all that crap we lived once and now, re-living it as we try to make sense of it.
I’m sending you sunshine that your Wednesday maybe be warm…
Also sending warm sunshine to all who are hurting here. Please take care of yourselves.
Aww thank you for sending me sunshine to brighten up my day. I know what you mean. There are days where I’m in an angry rage and I have no idea why. Or where my chest is just aching so badly and I have tears in my eyes. I also thought that I was going crazy myself. Honestly I can’t express my gratitude enough for giving me words of kindness and encouragement. You seem like a very kind, gentle and understanding person. Again thank you
You are welcome. 🙂 I’m glad you are doing better. You sound like a great friend. It is hard to communicate your need for your friends. Maybe you could journal about what you’d say if you could. Then, from that, pick out the most important or part you think you could share? Like, hey guys, this has been happening… it is hard to go through it alone… It can just be a small part of it all.
Thanks for your compliments and kindness. I hope you have a wonderful weekend- it’s coming. Ha, I am two days early but anticipation is the best part of life!