The first time I realized that something in me is irreversibly broken was the time when I remind myself to laugh because the joke was funny.
It’s not sarcasm either.
When my friends and classmates around me all laughed at the joke, I noticed something missing.
My own.
I touched my face, my mouth, my cheeks, hoping I am putting a smile at least.
I was not.
I feel a sliver of confusion and panic.
Laugh, I told myself. And I did.
Since then, I was getting more conscious of my, sometimes, general lack of reaction to everything. Anger, sadness, happiness. It’s weird to miss feelings.
Apathy, I realized, is more disturbing than I thought.
I grieve for the loss of my heart.
2 comments
Perhaps, by adopting to the bad situations around you, you have become numb. You may have experienced traumatic things in your pastime and thats why it may be happening. I hpe your broken pieces will get fixed one day.
It’s not so much as broken as it’s not there anymore. As if after it shattered, it got blown away and nothing was left.