I’ll try to keep this short and to the point…
I just finished high school. I currently live with my father. I’m unemployed, and don’t know where or how to look into anything related to college. I ended HS barely passing with a 2.1 GPA, so universities and whatever are most likely out of the question (for anyone who does not understand GPAs, just assume that I barely graduated, the minimum par being 2.0).
Lately, I’ve been getting high or drunk every day since June, basically, after I moved out of my mom’s place just after finishig school. For all intents and purposes, moving back in with her is not an option.
I’m a bit scared, is all. I feel like I’m turning back into a loser just when I thought I was doing good at getting my emotions and life in check. I’m not a total basket case or whatever, and frankly, I’d like to think I’m relatively fortunate.
The problem, however, is that, at the end of the day, the combination at the lack of drive to be something better and simply not knowing what is ahead of me on the current road is just a bit too crushing to stay silent, but too intimidating to bring up to my father. He’s asked and tried to talk to me before, as if maybe sensing my distress, but I deny feeling down, or not knowing what I want.
I grew up mostly alone (perhaps emotionally neglected due to all around me always seeing me as mature and level headed, when, in reality, I’m barely able to keep from spilling the emotions associated with life out of the glass cup of life known as my being) and never really knew how to ask for help in life, and just always hid my problems from others.
My point…?
I really need some kind of pointer. I don’t want to live the life of a scumbag loser. I have few reliable friends, and said few friends I neglect myself. I don’t really have a backbone, in terms of support. I know many others face far worse problems, and I really wish the best luck to them. I just really need someone to give me some kind of idea on where to start looking or what I should honestly be doing.
At the end of the day, I’m just some clueless teenager who probably should be more thankful for what I have, but with that said, I’m starting to melt. This is my first attempt at breaking the silence I’m so used to. Any kind of pointer, whether from personal experiences, to some kind of information to help me carve my own path, would be -so- great. Thanks so much for reading.
-D.D.
7 comments
Join the military.
I agree about the military thing. If i were young and healthy, but not living in the best situation, the military would be a great choice.
I agree about the military thing. If i were young and healthy, but not living in the best situation, the military would be a great choice.
Work on cutting out the drinking and smoking and games and replace it with something else, anything else. Something productive that actually improves your life in some way. Volunteer your time instead of being drunk or high.
Read about your options. You could join the military like they said above but that certainly isn’t the only thing. There are community colleges where they teach trade skills, tech skills. Take a look at the website. You can get a 2 year degree or transfer and get a 4 year degree from a college. If you don’t want to do that, you gotta figure out what kinda skills you wanna develop and set goals for yourself.
Exercise, cook, go hike, paint, whatever, just learn something, get better at something and more will follow. You’ll figure out what you are interested in and what is actually a viable path and carve that path out for yourself. Nobody can tell you what is right for you, just get started and try and make the changes as you figure out more precisely what you want to be doing.
I always thought medicine was something fascinating to get into… I don’t know if any school would take me seriously, however, with my grades from
HS. Would it really be worth trying to go to a commumity college? If I maybe do decently well enough there (a big maybe…), could it be possible that there are schools that can teach about pharmaceuticals and such, even to someone coming from a community college? I’m a bit worried about possible discrimination from my background, coupled with my poor academic history.
I feel like a minority kid with shitty HS grades coming from a community college isn’t exactly something that people in the medical field would look for.
That said, that’s just one thing I think about. I thought about the air force or the army, I am in good shape and know how to fight, but I’ll be honest… I’m not exactly looking to go die in a war or whatever, either /:
Anyway, I’m ~trying~ to lay off the herb by lowering how much I do it… I think it is more mental dependency than anything else, however. It’s difficult. Sort of get anxious a bit and end up wanting to do it some more. I know you listed a few things above, but do you have any other very low cost to free hobbies I could pick up on? Or should I consider some kind of summer job for now? Would a part time job at some joint in the area be better than not doing anything at all? Thanks again.
Perhaps if you could combine any hobbies with a summer/part-time job that would give you an income and maybe some new ideas? Jobs etc. can give a different view on areas you would or wouldn’t like to work in. Also throughout, if you are working/learning etc. it shows any college/employer that you are being pro-active about yourself and your future 🙂
Accepting what you have and working towards something you like shows determination and can open some doors you never knew existed. I got rubbish A level grades…then a rubbish degree grade (despite working quite hard, I simply don’t have a brain for retaining detailed info but I’m a hard worker)…and I’m still going! It’s been a blast, but on paper, I shouldn’t have left school 😛
I can relate. I have always looked mature for my age and I do act like it but deep down I’m just a kid. I never knew how to express my feelings because I grew up learning how to be strong. No one ever asked if I was okay so I just pretended I was. I kept all my feelings bottled up and wouldn’t talk to anyone about them. Sometimes I want to cry for hours because I want to get rid of what I have bottled up but it is too much to let go at once. I can cry one time and then not cry for days and during those days I bottle up even more feelings until I can’t handle them anymore. My point is, everyone assumes you’re okay just because you look like you are but deep down you aren’t. I believe some people don’t ask how you are because they are scared that you will actually say you are not okay and they won’t be able to handle the truth or even your feelings for that matter. Find something you love and that makes you happy. Maybe that’s the answer you’re looking for. Good luck on whatever route you take.