i hate this life

Hi yesterday my husband came home late again when I called him he didn’t answer my calls so when he came I had locked the door so when I opened he started making noise at me when confroted him he told I had no right to ask him and their is no where was written that he only had to be with me n that I was also free to go out with whoever I wanted I got angry and asked if he wanted me to look for someone to take care and love me and my 4 kids he said that he was wondering why I hadn’t left coz I had threatened to leave. That really broke. Me so as we speak I hv to move cause I can’t imagine staying with someone who doesn’t care is ready to let u go without even caring where you will go. Today I have thought of hanging my self or cooking meal with poison to give my kids then we be free
I couldn’t even go to church today cause I have been praying for so long and instead of things getting better they keep on getting worse and it reached a point I can’t take it any longer am tired. God if you truly exist kindly help me help me