My life is a fucking joke.

A while back I posted some shit that wasn’t very thought about by me. I didn’t die, wished I did, and pussied out. Fuck… I just cried like the little ***** i am. I looked at myself in a mirror today and didn’t recognize myself. Even if they are ugly, people look in the mirror and think what they are looks good. People like you and me look into the mirror, and don’t see anything. We see someone we don’t know looking back at us. My depression got worse and worse, and the original depression became anger and hate. I have been told to go fucking kill myself many times. By 5 people. I get it. My parents think I am a fucking joke, people at school thought I’m a fucking annoying obnoxious prick with no sense of respect and a selfish ****. Maybe if the cops find my body with a note, they might get arrested, and they should. Let me make this clear. I am dead. The only sense of temperature I feel is cold. I have love, but it is irrelevant. The one I love doesn’t love me at all. Told me if I even know how to shut up. What have I become. My wrists are clean of cuts, I have never cut (on my wrists). I do other things to myself. I have Trichotillomania (TMM). I fucking pull out my eyelashes. And my eyebrows  are half gone. I’m fucked. I long for human companionship. The closest thing I have ever had to a relationship is a half friend. I just want to know that someone is there for me. I just want to feel the warmth of them. But, I have nothing in return. Their warmth would just be absorbed by the cold within me. Someone fucking help me. I think I’m losing my fucking mind.