Anxiety and depression is ruining mylife

Anxiety and depression is ruling my life and ruining it. I wish I could just snap out of it. The worst part is that I don’t even seem to want to change it. Everyday I seem to make choices which just allow it to get worse. I don’t go back to the doctors, which I know I should do. I should be taking medication, but I don’t. That would involve going back to the doctors to get a prescription. Going to the doctors makes me anxious. Getting help makes me anxious. I’ve tried before. It starts ok, but then I feel pressure to get better and feel like I’m failing to do so and then I inevitably stop going. It’s the same with friends that try and help or want to talk about it, I push them away. I don’t know why I find it so hard to talk about but I do. I guess talking about it makes me feel it more. If my day has any point to it, it would be to try and avoid feelings of anxiety and depression. I rely on avoidance. I try and distract myself so much. But it’s never with anything productive. I don’t apply for jobs because it makes me anxious and feel bad. Because, I’m not applying for jobs or doing anything with my life, I feel bad and anxious. It’s a vicious circle. I wish I was brave enough to brake it. But no, I have a severe fear of failure. I can’t imagine my life ever being productive or worthwhile.