Half person

I feel like a half person. I feel totally incomplete and fake. I am living life, waiting for the next day, waiting for happiness. I feel so fake. I am at a job that hasnt really started yet, all we’re doing is training. And i feel like everyone there feels things, has energy. I want that. And im in a relationship where i feel selfish because im not sure i actually want him, i think maybe i just want a person to listen to me or to talk to. Im in love with my buddy who i hook up with sometimes and who loves me but not in a romantic way. I hate this feeling of emptiness, of superficial livlihood.