How?

How will I face reality? How will i be strong enough? In reality the cold hard truth is revealed. In reality i am forced into this shell that is damaged and different. In reality thoughts of how worthless, ugly, fat and not good enough i am rush into my head. In reality thoughts of the future worry and scare me. In reality i ask myself “When will this end?” when i should be focusing on “How will this end?” So how? How can i stop hiding my pain and my fears and be okay. How am i going to be strong enough to not have to rely on a bottle of alcohol to take away the pain or the fears, the feel of a blade running across my skin, the touch of a glowing red hot lighter burning against my shoulder, a bottle of pills or any drug to distract me from life. How will this torment end? How will i allow myself to be happy and take the bull by the horns? How will i be happy with myself and life without using death as a solution?