I’ve been getting better. But I just have this feeling that I won’t be here for much longer. I acknowledge the gifts I have but I could never imagine a future where I’d be able to share them with anyone.I can’t shake this feeling,its like I’m dying bit by bit. I can’t even imagine the pain that my family woulf be in if I killed myself,its as if it doesn’t matter to me anymore.I don’t think anyone will be surprised when it happens. I’m scared because I’m not even sad about it,this unsettling acceptance of death. I wish I could see what everyone does when they look at me.
2 comments
I have the same feeling. For two years, I was getting better… But everyday of those two years I knew that my day would inevitably come. And now it’s almost here. I feel that once you accept that you are going to die at your own hands, it’s very hard to enjoy life, or even life satisfyingly ever again.
I don’t think I’ll be able to tell when I’m nearing the end. For some reason I think I’ll do it when everything is OK, just out of the blue,like its just a reflex