someone help me

I have become so so depressed and I really do not know what else to do I know i can count on 2 of my friends to open up too and my mom and shit but still I feel so lonely,im also currently going througha break up after beinng woth my boufriend for the past 2 years and i cant even explain how empty i am without him, fulll of rage and hurt though i don’t show it often. My social abilities are so fucking weak and i hate it,and i hate how bad my anxiety is. It almost physically hurts, it feels as if everything’s breaking me down like idk that’s the only way I can describe it hard to explain but you get the point of it. I feel like i should start going back to my therapist but idk its just my fear of talking to others it overrides my need for help so i kinda just stay stuck where im at wondering why i feel so upset with everything. I just think about stuff to damn much. Im not even happy with myself is the worst part about this to like somedays i feel like i look good i just don’t even see anything good in me honestly. Despite everyone who tells me im pretty how they like my clothes and all that stuff it doesn’t do much really. I try to not be so hard on myself but Its hard not do when im not content with myself where i stand in my life.My life has been crap, I’ve had so much trouble with making friends because my mind is fucked. I have no idea what I’m doing, what I’ve done. I’ve hated myself for so long. I want to wake up and be happy with the person that i am but it just seems to hard to find that in myself. im just letting everything out,i just cant keep it bottled up in me much longer because its breaking me down and it really fucking hurts.