I understand some people use their struggles to motivate them. However I don’t want to face them and no matter what I can’t feel motivated. I just don’t know what to do with myself. I don’t have any lasting reason to be here anymore. I can’t deal with or understand my disgusting, divorced parents and what game they are playing. I can never talk to my perfect older sister or my stubborn little sister. I’ve tired to talk to my perfect sister and when I start talking about myself for too long, she changes the subject to her lol. Then I try to talk to my little sister and she just gets angry at me for being so depressed and tells me to “just get over it.” Ha I wish depression was just that easy. “Just stop thinking like that.” As if I can just turn it off. I don’t ever remember a time when I was completely happy with myself. I guess I’ve been depressed since 6th grade..what age is that, like 9 years old? I’m 20 now, turning 21 this year… I wonder when I will be happy. That’s all I want. To be happy. Like what beyonce said in her song, “Pretty Hurts,” lol.
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The only one who will do for you is you. You live in a small pond with bigger fish. If you were going to college or working full time, maybe your perspective would change a little. Seems like you need a victory. Or some meds. I’m twice your age, more, actually and still am deperesed. I have kids and I want to hang myself in the garage. Hate my wife. But I go on. For my kids, and for those little things that I find I can’t live without. Look around and you’ll find something. A cigarette, a good sleep, food, we all live for little victories.