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Suicidal and yeah

by skittlebomber

Im super apathetic towards everything. Right now, I have a horse, which was always my dream in life and it finally happened. But I am not happy. I have a job, a good mom, a horse, etc. there’s really no reason why I SHOULD be feeling this suicidal at this point in time and I’m really struggling with it. I’m so apathetic towards everything. I stopped doing my chores (not that I was ever great at consistently doing them) I do online school and that’s just going awfully. I am failing every subject. My mom is breathing down my throat constantly. I don’t have any goals in life at all anymore. I am contemplating getting my GED instead of this bullshit. But if I were to get out of this depressing time, I’d hate myself for doing it and ruining a chance at a future. Anyone got any advice?

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4 comments

badcat 9/6/2015 - 5:37 pm

What you are describing is depression. It makes no sense (things that used to make you happy don’t anymore, you cry or are angry and have no idea why, etc) and is SO frustrating. Take it one day at a time until you feel clear about what to do and if you haven’t already, seek some help. I found taping (EMT) really helped getting past the things that play over and over in your head. Big hugs!

Myokardial_Infekshunn 9/6/2015 - 5:44 pm

i knew it was the famous talk show host skittlebombz

Randall 9/6/2015 - 6:06 pm

So, there ya go. You’re living proof that what “they” say is true. Happiness has nothing to do with having a horse, job, school, good mom or any of that happy horse shit. The more you want, the more you get and the unhappy discord unsettled interior battle rages on and on. You could be totally happy and content sitting in a white room staring at the walls. Happiness is an inside job.

Trix 9/6/2015 - 7:19 pm

Well, don’t think that not feeling better given the positive things around you means that you can’t be happy again. I don’t know how long you’ve been feeling this way but you don’t have to keep struggling with it alone. My advice would be to do something about it, seek help and people who have experienced what you have. I think a lot of people here will be able to empathise. Not everyone’s problems come from their lives. I have wonderful things around me but I’m still depressed. I wouldn’t take any actions right now that could change your future for the worse – see what you can do about how you feel and you’ll be able to make decisions more easily. You might find the studying easier by that time too.

I think the most important thing is to not struggle through it alone.

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