I went to get a burger after work last night at this spot I usually go to when I want a good beef burger. I was overly polite to the cashier as always so that, even if she was having a bad day, she wouldn’t take it on me. I buy burgers from there pretty regularly so I recognized the blond girl taking my order. We got to talking about the long weekend that just passed and when I told her I was hanging at a park on the Monday, she mentioned that she lives right across from there but has never gone. She seemed genuinely nice and even gave me a discount on my burger and fries; I wanted to say more but my cowardice creeped up (along with other customers) so I just waited silently for my meal and then left.

I’ve been thinking about her since then, replaying our conversation and wishing I could go back and ask her out. I could have asked why she’d never gone to the park (it’s really beautiful) and then offered to go with her sometime. I’m not ugly, and she wasn’t balls to the walls beautiful, but I just don’t want to have anything to do with any kind of rejection right now. Plus, I was thinking about it last night and I’m pretty sure that they’re paid to be nice and friendly. Not just the workers at the burger place that I go to, but all cashiers/waiters/servers etc. I’ve been in this situation many times, where a waitress or whoever was serving me and was really nice, and I came under the impression that there was more to it than just generic hospitality.

I feel like such an idiot for not being able to tell the difference between someone that actually likes me and wants to be in my company as opposed to someone just paid to be. I’m sure it’s difficult for everyone to some degree, but still. My thoughts are driving me crazy. There’s no harm in asking someone out, I guess, except for the ocean of self-loathing that I drown in when it doesn’t work out.

TL;DR I’m a *****