My friend has just tried to commit because he likes me and i basically lead him on (I didn’t mean to).
If he succeeds then I don’t want to live anymore, I can’t handle the guilt of being responsible for another person ending their life. But I’m scared, I want a relatively painless way to die.
Update: he was unsuccessful, luckily. But I don’t know how to support him and be there for him as a fringed without him getting the wrong idea?
5 comments
I can relate to this kind of situation! Believe me, it infuriates me. I wanted nothing to do with T, yet she would not leave me alone, now that I got COMPLETELY serious about it, she is nowhere to be found!
It was selfish of you to do what you did. It was immature and classless. Ues, I know that sounds painful, but it was what it was. Now own up, take responsibility and grow up.
I’ve got to get back to work. I’ve got more to say about this. All I can say for now is that you need to give him an honest and serious chance, now.
Women have grown on me before, and only looking back do I see that. Car designs that I did not like at all changed years later and I learned to appreciate…
Gotta go, out of break.
I didn’t explain, the reason I ended up leading him on was because I tried to give it a go and to like him back, but those feelings just never came. Yes, I should have said earlier but I guess I was just selfish.
The thing is we’re both not the most stable of people and the slightest thing could set us off and two unstable people won’t make a stable relationship. But, I do want to be there for him and support him as a friend, I just don’t know how to do this without him getting the wrong idea.
(Hey, I’m not trying to offend, but like a doctor, I’d like to tell you how it is or what it may really be.)
Hm… You tried to give it a go to see if you would like him? What was that initial spark? What caused that initial lit in the first place? There had to be something, we all don’t just go after people that we have absolutely no attraction and interest in whatsoever.
Why did you keep it going until he became emotionally attached, when you said that early on, there were already signs of it not working out? Were you just using him for selfish attention and playing some game? You kept it going just for you, not for him, didn’t you? Was it always all about you from the get-go?
Now that he has chosen and selected you — you’ve got that one special place in his heart, life and existence in all this world.
What would he have to do to “get it going” with YOU? What would he need to change? What would YOU need to change with and about yourself to meet him half way, as he somehow fell for YOU? What made HIM fall for YOU in the first place?
You are what he wants and needs but he just isn’t that for you? Why? (I do not expect you to answer all, if any, of these questions — as I am just providing them as “food for thought” and as tools to help you to figure out your situation.)
Wish I knew more details about both of you (like what your “unstablenesses” actually are) so I might be able to offer more specific help, but I will “probe” as little or much as needed, as I can, to try to help with what I’ve got.
Well, so you are two unstable people, that’s what’s turning you off from all of this? That is just a bunch of womanese. Maybe you were meant to build it together and your selfishness is just showing. That has just got to be an excuse — as it’s quite clear to me that, at least from your part, there is no love there. I have had women offer to help come clean my apartment when I used the dirty apartment excuse for them to not visit.
You do want to be there for him as a friend but he wants a life partner. Give it another HONEST go again, this time, and give it some time — more time — and perhaps this time, work on YOURSELF in the relation.
Movies have grown on me, car designs (as I’ve said)… Maybe you two were meant to be together all along, I don’t know. We’re not all cookie-cut (as individuals and even how couples come together). Maybe you’ll grow to appreciate and love him — cause maybe it’s just something in you now — as you did something to flip the switch in HIM.
Now that you’ve gotten HIM, be the awesome mate that builds him up to his greatest potential and one day you may find that it was all the “perfect imperfection” and he chose you for a reason.
Lol I know it’s been years but I found the email for this comment when I was doing an email clear. Just an update looking back now this dude very clearly emotionally manipulated me by threatening to kill himself whenever I tried to distance myself from him but then would accuse me of leading him on. He drove my own mental health to the lowest it has ever been and I nearly failed my first term of college because of him constantly guilting and pressuring me into skipping to see him.
I was 17 and vulnerable and I’m so glad I never saw your comment as it would have just made me feel even worse than I already did and may have made me feel guilty enough to date him which would’ve moved me from an emotionally manipulative friendship to an emotionally manipulative relationship.
I have never once regretted cutting him out of my life as I deserved so much better than the way he treated me. My only regret was not dropping him sooner.
I know that it’s highly unlikely you will ever see this response but I just wanted to say my piece now I’m in a much much better place mentally without this guy in my life.
No one knows at the start of a relationship whether it will be the ‘one’ or not. You gave it a try, it didn’t work out, that’s ok. That’s normal. I’m sorry he’s struggling to cope but that is because he had existing emotional problems.