I guess short term it’s easier for someone to yell at you for doing something incorrect than it is for them to explain to you the right way..
The world is a lazy place filled with short-term-minded people. And apparently that’s my fault.
I’m forever being yelled at.
Forever a fuck up.
I’m sorry..
4 comments
Don’t be sorry. You have nothing to be sorry for. You were never taught. The ones who should be sorry are the ones that didn’t bother telling you what was right, but only yelling at you for what was wrong.
But they are the ones who get to walk off feeling accomplished, and I’m the one who walks away in shame because I fucked everything up. That’s what I do. That’s what I always do. I should’ve self-taught myself and learned in my own time. It’s my fault for not going above and beyond and learning more than just the information they gave me. But I don’t know where to find extra information, and I am not allowed to ask questions or I will be yelled at more. Maybe I’m the lazy one. Maybe I am stupid.
Nobody can do something that they aren’t taught. You fucked it up, yes, but it’s their fault for not teaching you. It’s their fault for not making sure that you know what you’re supposed to do. And if you need to know something, they should teach you, instead of expecting you to go above and beyond on your own without any incentive.
I think you are placing too much importance on what others are saying or doing to you and forgetting that they too are only human and maybe it is them with the problems.
Just maybe, you did everything correctly and to the best of your ability but those that yell at you have too high of an expectation of others. Maybe they just assume that everyone should know all that they know without ever being taught. Maybe they are highly judgmental. Maybe they are very impatient and highly critical of others. Maybe all the psychological problems belong to those who are yelling at you.
You are being far too hard on yourself but that is what depression does to us. We already feel worthless, so everything must be our fault.