I’m so tired…

i’m recovering. I’m recovering from self harm, and have attempted suicide twice. I’ve been clean for a while. I’m trying so hard. Life just seems to be getting worse and worse. Everywhere I go, I feel so mad and sad and I just want to explode. I’m tired of being hurt. All these people fuck me over. I hate it so much. Is there any true people out there? I’d love to meet someone genuine. Someone who isn’t fake and someone who’s not a liar. Just a true person. I’m so tired of being hurt. I’m trying so hard at school. I’m trying to find myself. It’s so hard for me. How do I be myself when everyone judges me? My friends, I feel like they hate me. They exclude me. They always choose to hang out with other people, and they get annoyed with me. It’s like they don’t accept me. I try so hard to fit in. But it’s so difficult. Why don’t I belong? I speak my mind. I say what I think. I’m as nice as I can be. I don’t talk shit on people. I don’t go and talk Behind your back. I’m honest. I try to be as kind and helpful as I can be. I don’t judge people. I try to be as accepting as possible. So why do people criticize me? Why can’t they accept me? I’m sorry if I don’t fit your standards and fill your expectations. I just want to give up. I feel so alone. I’m tired of trying. I’m tired of people taking advantage of me.  Will I ever truly belong? Should I give up? Is it really worth it? I just want to be happy… Why can’t I be happy?