insomnia has 4 syllables, 4 vowels, 4 consonants…it’s 4 in the morning. I take enough sleeping pills to down a bus full of toddlers, I’ve taken 37 tonight….this is beginning to be an average number…not in a desparate attempt to die, but to sleeeeeeppppppp sleep sleep sleep sleeeeep…I cannot sleep. for 3 hours I tried…tv off lights off dark. silence. eyes closed, as if I laid completely still for long enough I could trick myself to sleep…..insomnia is crazy. there have been nights that I’ve just fuckin broke and wept, wept for sleep…a few days in and i’m thinking maybe I am actually asleep but I just feel like i’m awake…catatonia is the estate, sorrow the soil and so I weep, I cry but I don’t make a sound and keeping the screams in causes me to shudder, which leaves me shaking for days, and you would think I would be better for it, that after all that suffering sleep would be a triumph, but it’s still absent……..when the sun comes, I try not to hate the light