and it is depressing the hell out of me.
the last few days it has been cloudy, chilly, and raining off and on. i actually really like fall, but i’m light sensitive, and a lack of it can make me more depressed & lethargic. no, i don’t own a light box and i can’t get one unfortunately.
i really want to enjoy this fall, but so far i can’t. i’m just really down. it’s coming up on the one-year anniversary of when my family broke apart, and i’m not taking it well. though it’s better having some distance between now and when it happened, and though that distance has offered some perspective, i still would rather forget this past year ever went down.
so now my family is broken up. i don’t have any friends, and i certainly don’t have a bf (who’d want me???). so i’m basically alone, and it’s killing me. and i won’t go out and talk to people either, because i am an ugly specimen indeed, and i can’t rightfully subject other people to that.
why am i here?
2 comments
I used to love fall. But now it reminds me if liss and loneliness. I wish I could spend these cold nights making love to the man of my dreams. Ivery always been a romantic so Ivery always gotten depressed around this time. This is the time I’d really love to spend with my guy.
I have the same issue with weather. I actually love rain, but when the skies are dark, so is my mood. I used to think I was broken; it’s good (in a sense) to know others are like that too.
The first anniversary of anything traumatic is always the worst, and compounding with cold weather and overcast skies, I totally get how you’re feeling. I have countless similar downer anniversaries, and I’m young enough that I know there will be plenty more. If only we could absorb more positivity from good anniversaries to try to offset it.
For what it’s worth, I don’t think you’re an ugly specimen. It takes some degree of courage to write about your life, whether on Suicide Project or elsewhere. I think that puts you above most. I totally get the loneliness, but remember that this community is here for you too. You will not have to “subject” me to you; I’m volunteering to listen and chat any time.