hey guys i havent posted in a while i thought i was getting my depression under control but this morning it hit me again like a ton of bricks if anyone remembers a while ago i posted a long post and in it i chose a date to hold off until to see if i was feeling better and i was for a month or so but now im not so sure im starting to think all the recent changes in my life just kept my mind to busy to focus on the pain but now that im settling back into a routine my fucked up thoughts are returning i just dont know anymore im starting to think its not worth the fight
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It is worth it!
In the recovering process there will be days like this, it’s important to keep fighting no matter what.
I learned that on the hard way.
i hope so my first thought was to go out and get high to numb these feelings but i know that will only make things worse in the long run so i figure id dump my feelings here again and see if it helps maybe ill go catch an NA meeting tonight but there isnt any until 8 tonight and i dont know how to keep myself from fucking up until then
Try meditation or mindfulness.
Whatever you try, keep doing it. Try to make it a regular practice, like people do with meditation. I think those sorts of techniques are the ones most likely to yield deep, long-lasting results. It can be really unpleasant to focus on your mind, and distractions often seem like the best option. Sometimes you need them to survive. But long term, looking at the problems at the source and trying to solve them, rather than avoid them, will be more helpful. If you can, don’t think about even the near future today, or how long you think you can last… Just take things one small step at a time. Keep in mind that things did seem to be getting better. There will be setbacks before it’s really under control. Best of luck. 🙂
ty im gonna keep pushing forward i just needed to vent a little bit it is so hard to keep my head up sometimes
Well life is a process isn’t it? Moving to Jersey was only the beginning of a new process, but the reality is setting in that it wasn’t an instant fix. What you should do now is consider the dichotomy of your old living conditions and your new living conditions. Currently you are surrounded by loved ones, with endless opportunity for a plethora of jobs. I know it seems like you’re spinning your wheels, but things will pan out you just need to give it time.
Just try to find a few things you know you can return to while you idle, hopefully constructive things. If all else fails you can take two steps back, and return to the mountainous region. I think you are on the brink of positive change, depression comes in waves it seems like, but one hiitsyou out of no where. Man I hope you don’t start planning a date for your death because it would crush me to see you go. Give it time, things are bound to change, until then you have the internet and all of the beautiful forbidden fruits in plenty.
Believe me, I totally get the endless cycle of depression resurfacing in different forms of misery, each one seems worst than the last and your ever increasing threshold for pain just keeps growing into a more formidable defense system. I like to think that eventually I will be able to handle anything because my life gets worse everyday. At some point the perpetual nature of sadness and mishaps has to level out at some point, and when that day comes, I will be equipped to handle the monotony of life. I hope the same for you.
Get a dating app, and bird dog a skank on the beach or something before it gets cold out. Alternatively if you’re broke, offer a homeless lady a piece of bread for a BJ.
thank you for your kind words especially for the little part at the end it made me chuckle a bit i needed that rn
i dont think ive said this b4 but i love you guys its so nice to have someone to reach out to in you darkest times