This is it… I’m done with pretending, I’m done with false allegations, lies that intend only to harm me. I have almost come to a sort of peace with death, that this is maybe a way to expediate the inevitable. I was born pure but was broken early, broken over and over until there was no possible recovery.
Death is my recovery. I know it’s time. The crying and pain has lessened and a sense of calm has washed over me. I feel so ready and sure. It is the most sure I have ever felt about anything in my life.
The planning stage is complete. I have come up with a good way. I do not want to repeat my past failures. 30 dollars for a gun rental and one hour to pull the trigger. Xanax to appear calm and smiling when I go to reception. And the lie is so simple – I want to learn self defense, women need to protect themselves… A lie that any gun range goon will believe. And the rare makeup to cover up the red circles under my eyes, to look like a mentally normal functioning member of society.
It’s time. So soon. Time for release. No more suffering. No more pain. Just eternal nothingness.
5 comments
I understand that you feel at peace with death. After all, death is not such a terrible thing. But how can you feel at peace with eternal nothingness? And above all, what makes you believe that after death there is “nothingness”?
Hope, I’ve always wanted to ask you this; Do you think there’s an afterlife?? The thought of an afterlife scares the hell outta me.
I wish you peace my friend. Life can be a burden and death can be release, It’s irrational to hold on to pain. Find peace my friend. But always remember this: you are not alone.
You want peace, we all do. I wish for you to find it for yourself. Rest well and you have made your mark here. We’ll always be here for you <3.
There is a risk in thinking death is peace.