I’m losing everyone. The two friends I thought would stand by me throughout everything, I’m losing them. I guess its good in some ways, because when the time nears for me to end it all I wont have to push them away and they wont have to hurt at all. They’ll be rid of me for good soon enough. I just hope they have good lives without me.
I’m afraid that when the time comes Ill back out, Ill think of someone, something, a ‘what if’. But I know my life will turn to shit whether I end it or not. I don’t want to have to back out, I don’t want to have second thoughts, I just wish I could do it without caring for anything, for anyone.
That’s all it ever is. I wish… I wish… I wish…
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You know, we humans live with hope. That ‘what if’ has saved so many lives including mine, so why not trying again to make things better, you have nothing to lose anyway.
I’ve been looking for you, you know… Just wanted to make sure you were ok… Then I saw this and I got sad. But know that I was thinking about you today…