It gets a little easier to let go
I gotta stop being afraid to just step into the fray. Just completely let go.
Even if i fail the pain from the mistake would feel incredibly real. For once.
As nov. 2nd approaches i cant help but think of my recently passed cousin and how he helped me out so much. Was so free. I think about how he was in a car accident and how i want to experience it.
I know its fucked up thinking but what else is new..
Ah well this is just good venting. I’ll be making an hour trip back home tomorrow from a friends, fuck maybe i’ll have the nerve to toss back this month’s supply of seroquel beforw i hit the road and aim for a divider.
3 comments
Unfortunately, the calmer the drugs make you, the worse your aim will be. Not to mention a plethora of modern vehicle safety features. Unless you have a Ford Pinto. God, that was a horrible car.
Speaking of letting go, you could try walking away. Quit everything, grab some clothes, and start driving. Find a new place, a new life. You may not be able to fix your past mistakes, but sometimes starting over from scratch gives you much needed perspective.
Just some food for thought. Whatever you choose to do I hope you find peace.
Ah well my car isn’t too new that it has safety over-rides or anything like that. But yeah the meds definitely won’t make it the most accurate hit-if I manage to step up to doing that. Do have a ford though haha.
See now that’s something I’ve actually wanted to do, it would be like an adventure. Freeing experience I bet and if I failed at least I gave it a go at a different angle before just ending it. I wonder how long I’d be able to get away before certain people in my life try tracking me down because it’s happened before. Managed to get away from my west coast home and make it two states away from Michigan in some little town that was actually really nice. But in a weeks time I was dragged back home. Now all my devices, even my car is chipped for tracking and if they don’t hear from me within an hour everyone is notified right away.
If I go, I gotta leave this world entirely.
Ditch your car, ditch your tech. Ditch your clothes. Move into the wilderness, find a forest. Hunt and kill your food with your bare hands. Whittle spoons from bits of fallen tree. Bang fists on chest like cave man. That would be my plan if I were not to kill myself.