Last year I met someone and it was going so well. Even when we had arguments or disagreements, but we worked through them. I always did what I thought she wanted or what I thought I was supposed to do. She eventually broke it off, gave me a bunch of reasons. I tried, and begged for another chance. But I got rejected, and blocked. Her friend had to tell me to stop trying it could get ugly. It crushed me, and even months later I’m still so sad and all the time. I can’t seem to let it go. My family thinks I will just get better and get over it. But I wake up everyday once I was happy and thought I was everyday the same. be happy forever, that I finally met someone that wanted to be with me. But the longer I feel like this, the easier it is to understand that Im the problem. Even when she said I did nothing wrong. I really thought, believed that this one was for me. Only I can’t shake this feeling, this empty feeling for months that I continue to live with. Just recently I started thinking after months of feeling empty and never going to be happy like that again. Or atleast not with her again and it kills me inside. I can’t or don’t want to talk to my family about these new thoughts I’m having. And these thoughts kind of feel like a relief from my mind. Like maybe this is the answer.. And I been thinking how to do it, will it hurt. Could I even go through with it. I know I shouldn’t and I don’t even want to. But living awake for hours of the day, not wanting to do anything, struggling with living on and the future, im already living with and the memories. I just keep going over in my mind what I did wrong. And 50 more years or so living and feeling like this is really difficult to want to live with. I need some help.
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I’m sorry you’ve had some a painful break up. If you don’t mind me asking, did you ever feel suicidal before you met her? How long has it been since things ended with her? You said you know you shouldn’t go through with it, and you know why things feel this way now. I think things will start to get easier over time. Sometimes you need to push away the thoughts of the rest of your life and just live through the next hour or minute.
You learned some valuable lessons from that relationship. You need to get a new one so you can try out what you’ve learned.
One important lesson is when she says it’s over, then it’s over. Don’t beg. Don’t plead. Don’t ask her to explain. Just walk away as quickly as possible and never speak to her again.
The advanced lesson is don’t blame her and don’t blame yourself. When people don’t fit together anymore it isn’t anybody’s fault.
I know you are wallowing in feelings of “she was the only one” and “there will never be another like her” but it has been proven those feelings are really depression kicking you in the head. You may have to lie in bed awhile before those feelings fade. You may try to fight those feelings and it may or may not do any good. It’s sort of like a head cold. The symptoms will go away one day and you really don’t have much control over when that happens.
It’s not fun. Sorry.
thanks guys, no i never felt this way before I met her, I had some painful break ups before too. Which made me realize I am not a good fit for her or anyone. And I know me and her are not a good fit now, everyone says so. We were once.. and for awhile, and thats why I feel this way. She chooses not to like me anymore. and I have to live with that everyday. Thats why I thought the suicidal thoughts they have been the only thing putting my mind at peace. and I cry alot just thinking about it, that I am even thinking about it. and I don’t know. I kind of thought I would get these responses too. I don’t know what I’m going to do.
I know it seems like you can’t change anything or escape it (except through death), but cliched as it sounds, time really will help heal most of the pain. It helps to have support too… maybe to do things you used to enjoy. You can’t imagine being happy again in the way you were with her, but the best thing you can do now is try not to think about her when you can. It’s not something you can do overnight but you can get through this.
Hey…. I know these feelings all too well. 🙁 It’s painful to say that I empathize with what you’re feeling…. If you want to talk, my email address is bobsayshello2013@gmail.com, and my kik is cherylulmer.. I would love to talk to you and let you talk about your feelings. I’m going through that a little right now myself, though not as bad as you’re going through…
i got a new girl, sort of and I’m so sad about it. what i say now, I could’ve said to that girl. or, you know.. the rest. the will to live has been sucked out of me. i’m glad my friends and family are happy though with eachother. so ok, thanks. I’ll try to see how much longer I can live like this.
she let me go last may.
im sorry 4 the break up / i dont tent to give advice just in case it back fires but i dated this 1 girl who i thought was my world but she dumped me i tried everything to get her back nothing worked we tried staying friends that just mad it worse so we finally went our own ways its for the best.
i appreciate your advice. this girl said we weren’t friends, and when she was done with me. she just was over it, like that.
@tiredthoughts: Romantic relationships cause the dopamine receptors in the brain to flood with chemicals similar to opium. The resulting high is similar to using opium. It feels so damn good, so the individual is drawn to the source of the feeling much like a heroin user is drawn to a fix. The romantic relationship is the vehicle for the fix. It follows that stopping the relationship before it reached it’s natural end causes severe withdrawal, which is why it feels like physical pain.
I went through a painful sudden breakup when I was a lot younger, it took me close to a decade to stop obsessing over the feeling that relationship gave me. Much like the first high that a heroin user gets I chased that high for years and never found it in another individual. How did I get over it? Well I never really did, but much like an addict knows not to go anywhere near their drug of choice, I steer way clear of him IRL. I live in fear that if I smell him I will drop off the deep end again, which is one reason why I have never attended a class reunion.
you guys are right. I do not doubt. I just wish I had the courage last year to make the better choices or say better things. And I have to live with that. That I didn’t have the courage, and that I was afraid to stand up for myself for what I really believed in. and Now I live like this. I feel pretty bad about myself. and I know… learn from mistakes and move on to someone else. But all of this doesn’t matter. I don’t matter. I hope she’s finally happy, she probably is.
Surprised that no one mentioned this, so i’ll give this a go: “I always did what I thought she wanted or what I thought I was supposed to do.”
Repeat that out loud until you realize what you just said. I’m the worst guy in the world to ask for relationships, but… honestly, do you really want one were you’re just jumping through hoops in order to keep someone entertained and happy? might be wrong on this one, but that doesn’t sound healthy for you. Honestly, you deserve better than that. A relationship is built by two people, and two people are needed for the maintenance as well, so like everyone said above, learn from your mistakes.
Hopefully, in time, someone will come along that will put in the same effort that you do, and by then it won’t feel like effort… it will feel like a real relationship, and also a hell of a lot than what you mentioned in your post 🙂
yeah MF you’re right. I thought it was the right thing to do. we comprimised but then I guess it was just me. she told me it wasnt fair to me. but i tried, and failed.
Compromise: Definition: when no one is happy.
ok then I really didn’t know what I was doing. i thought it meant working it out.
@HDS: Geeze, when did you get so jaded?
(getting some weird deja-vu here)
@mf: I work for an employer that does everything by committee and compromises on everything.
I told my boss last week that if I ever am sentenced to death, and I have a choice for the m@thod of my death I would choose death by committee decision and by choosing this option I would never be put to death because the committee would never fully decide on the right form of execution.
@HDS: Scared to ask this but… what was your boss’s answer? lol. Oh, and i also guess that you should tell the OP that you weren’t being serious… or were you? :O
Seriously, compromise is a hard thing to do but it does not always end in both parties being unhappy… or at least i want to continue believing in that, along with santa and the eastern bunny.
@mf: lol. I am sure the OP knows that death by committee will never work, no matter how much we discuss it.
@HDS: LOL i meant the compromise = both parties not happy. I mean, he seemed really baffled by it (saying “i didn’t know what i was doing then, i thought it meant working it out”). Still wondering what your boss’s answer was, lol.
My boss has gotten used to my sense of humor and just gives me a *look* when I say things like that. She gave me the same look when I explained to her that if there were 9 levels of hell, MS SharePoint would be just below it being the tenth and most punishing level of hell.
Let me try to give it to you straight: you got used the whole time. It was selfish of her to do that to you.
When she said that it was nothing wrong on your part, that’s exactly that.
The remedy? Start seeing someone else. Really. Learn from it and now, go find someone who respects you and wants to be with you.
My sociopath ex went and gambled, got herself used and lost. Should be more on that later. Gtg.
Ok great, I wish this support could take away how I feel. and what I want to do to change that. I thought it was. I don’t think seeing another is a good remedy. I started seeing someone else and I still feel like I’m underwater. and bad because I’m thinking about the ex. The crushing experience. I guess I don’t belong with that person. I don’t even know what to say anymore.. I’m so tired from thinking, and living. I wish i didn’t keep thinking that I messed up or didn’t understand alot of things. I don’t know what I’m thinking
Seeing someone else is only good if that someone else is so engaging and fun that you forget your recent past.
Otherwise you are going to be sucky. Yeah, don’t be sucky on a date. Nobody deserves that.
I saw where you said you’ve had other break ups and this one was different. That happens. The more strongly you identify as a couple the greater the disassociation when you break up. Also super superior genital fun time can make you think things were going better than they really were.
So go be sucky in a corner where you won’t fling tears on bystanders. But set some limits. Give yourself X days to get over it. If you are still gimpy after X then you are going to change some things. It’s super important you don’t suddenly wake up and realize you’ve been moping for two years and you actually fear dating again.
If you don’t have a pet then I suggest getting one. They make great confessors.
Good luck.
Yeah, we all know it’s about an emotional connection and not just being around someone. Getting through this is going to take its own organic time. Some people are on a quick rebound to fill a void after a break up, but that’s not what you need. She tore your soul apart. You became one or started to become one with that other person and you became someone that only knew who amd how to be by referencing her and having her (that emotional reality) in your life.
ok
you all are helping. I just am stuck with what I have to live with.
For sure. It happens to everyone.