when i say that i’m tired, i don’t just mean that i’m sleepy or strained; i mean i’m overwhelmed and at serious risk of going off the deep end.
i’ve done a bunch of stuff i’m not proud of, and i guess i don’t really wanna focus on that, but needless to say i’ve been in code red for the last two or three days; i’ve called the lifeline, mostly because i don’t know if i have friends who can stay up with me while i feel this way. but i reached out to a few close friends to see if they’ll help out.
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update, they are not.
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i’ve smoked so many cigarettes that my chest aches. i need some wine but the liquor store will be closed by the time i get home.
this totally sucks.
follow up/edit; the reason i feel like this is somewhere between ‘i’m gay and feel unacceptable’ and ‘i’m lonely and feel unloveable.’ i’ve been seeing a therapist for almost a year and he assures me that i’m acceptable and loveable but it sure feels like that’s not the case.
but i guess that’s the thing about feelings is that they are just feelings. they don’t actually reflect actuality they just reflect your reaction to it; and i’m like a teensy bit drunk right now because when you’re depressed the smartest thing to do is drink alcohol, a depressant.
i also recently gave a guy a bj for some drugs and that it has really kicked my butt to go over it again and again.
6 comments
I use the words, “i am tired”, the same way. There are people here to listen if you want to talk it out. hugs
I use those words in a similar fashion. I’m listening too. It seems we are all on the same page tonight in one way or another.
Hey joshie. I have a joshy aged 20. Thank god he doesn’t smoke like us. (I vape now.)
Your friends suck, but you know this. Or maybe they just aren’t in a position to help you right this instant.
Calling the lifeline was a huge thing. Congrats. I couldn’t ever do it. I emailed the Samaritans. Nice people, no sense of humor. I discovered SP three months ago. It is an amazing place.
So why are you run into the ground? Women problems? Can’t tune your French horn? Lost your spot as a first round draft pick? We get all types here. Except time-traveling zombie Nazis. The Admin cleaned them out in early 2014.
I only got one dipping sauce in my 20 nuggit packet tonight and had to ration it like it was WWII. It’s all over folks.
Zeroth World Problem
I am tired being equivalent to I am suffering from an emotional overdose – every single time I log on to read I realize how similar we all are. Also diverse.