I generally like the idea but people will probably come searching for you and if you do it on St Stephen’s day (the day after Christmas) the searchers will have to leave their families and loved ones for the search so that would be a bit selfish. Or maybe they would wait a few days but it would still be the holiday period.
You’re right about that, it’s just that the holiday break is the only time I will be able to do it. Like I said though, the date isn’t set it stone. So who knows when I’ll leave.
Do you have to run off and die though? There are a lot of commune type places where you could escape domesticity and being hemmed in by convention. You could live in nature serving God. You might be happy. It doesn’t seem right that God’s calling for you would be to freeze to death 🙁
Will there not be a search party and they will find you?
It would depend which country you are in. There are communes from different faiths in most countries. Also non-faith communes and communities. I know that you’re not in my country because we don’t have national parks big enough to disappear into. With helicopters and dogs they would find me pretty quickly. It is something I have often wanted to do. I have also considered running off to a religious community. I used to be involved with a sect/cult/religion that has communities all over the world but I never ran off to them, something always stopped me (probably my many addictions that I would have to quit at a commune, haha).
Sometimes I have experienced religious mania that has made me think that I should escape society and rely on God.
Right now I am glad that I have never done those things because I feel okay. Still, I suppose it is an option. I know people in the cult/sect/religion who had given up their lives and joined, got a cult name and never looked back. It is a hard life though. You work hard for the cult and they control you. I don’t think there is more freedom in it than in my life now. At least I can eat what I want (or what my mind lets me eat) and have my coffee and cigs. I can listen to music or watch tv and stuff that I enjoy. Read what I want.
Maybe it’s an idea to try that life without committing to it being a permanent thing.
I’m sure they’ll look, but I believe that if this command really does come from God, then they won’t ever find me. And I don’t think my family will presume me to be dead, either, because I’ve already expressed this urge to run away to my uncle (sans mentioning the National Park. I live around very many swamps and marshes, and I believe that I mentioned something about running off into them. That was my original destination in fact, but I’ve realized that they aren’t big or secluded enough to keep me, besides being full of deadly Mosquitos.) and I’m sure he’d tell them this.
I’m sorry that you are trapped by your geography, but I’m very happy that you’ve found contentment in your life without having to dash. 🙂 I usually flip-flop between feeling as you feel and feeling consumed by this wanderlust. Then again, nearly nothing about my mind is consistent.
I understand what you mean, and I’m so glad I’m not the only one who has felt this! I don’t mind secularity that much, but it is so hard being as religious as I am in this rigidly, aggressively secular military town of mine. I’ve always had to fear their judgment. Even more so now that I’m a diagnosed crazy person. They think that’s so hilariously appropriate. The religious one is mentally ill! Ha ha ha ha! We knew it all along!
It’s no wonder that I hate it here.
And thanks for the info on the communes. I’ll do some research.
In my mind, there are only two worst-case scenarios to running off by myself: 1) I die. I’ve been struggling with suicidal urges for three or so years anyway, so. . . 2) I am caught and captured, and they send me to an institution. That would be their plan from the start, seeing as how I’m a known psychotic with a history of delusions. I’d probably stay there for a little while, and then go home, having learned a lesson, and now stabilized on whatever pills they’d put me on. I’d still win, because I’d be a martyr. Doesn’t sound too bad to me.
Every one of those thoughts is valid, I think.
Thank you so much for talking to me about this, I really appreciate it. I’m going to be having a lot of thoughts on this plan of mine, too, and whenever I do I guess I’ll post about it.
Whiskered fish, your idea is inspired. I have had directions that I can only describe from God, typically when I am in an up-cycle. However, even after I crash I look back on them as commands from God. I understand the compulsion to do what you need to do, even if it may be dangerous.
If you are hell bent on doing this (and I suspect you may be) Please read up on surviving in the wild, pack accordingly. Make sure you have a lighter and a knife of some sort. Also make sure you have something to purify your water, although dying in the wilderness by God’s command might seem romantic and peaceful, if you get amoebic dysentery or some other water borne ailment it will make the experience extremely painful. Dehydration is an awful way to end your life. I recommend one of those re-usable water purifiers that use a filter.
Please be safe. I love the wilderness too. I never feel more peaceful or closer to God than when I am miles away from people.
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I generally like the idea but people will probably come searching for you and if you do it on St Stephen’s day (the day after Christmas) the searchers will have to leave their families and loved ones for the search so that would be a bit selfish. Or maybe they would wait a few days but it would still be the holiday period.
You’re right about that, it’s just that the holiday break is the only time I will be able to do it. Like I said though, the date isn’t set it stone. So who knows when I’ll leave.
Do you have to run off and die though? There are a lot of commune type places where you could escape domesticity and being hemmed in by convention. You could live in nature serving God. You might be happy. It doesn’t seem right that God’s calling for you would be to freeze to death 🙁
Oh, I don’t intend to freeze to death! 🙂 I intend to survive out there indefinitely, though if I’m supposed to die I’ve decided to accept it.
But I would love to hear about those places you mentioned. What do you know about them?
Will there not be a search party and they will find you?
It would depend which country you are in. There are communes from different faiths in most countries. Also non-faith communes and communities. I know that you’re not in my country because we don’t have national parks big enough to disappear into. With helicopters and dogs they would find me pretty quickly. It is something I have often wanted to do. I have also considered running off to a religious community. I used to be involved with a sect/cult/religion that has communities all over the world but I never ran off to them, something always stopped me (probably my many addictions that I would have to quit at a commune, haha).
Sometimes I have experienced religious mania that has made me think that I should escape society and rely on God.
Right now I am glad that I have never done those things because I feel okay. Still, I suppose it is an option. I know people in the cult/sect/religion who had given up their lives and joined, got a cult name and never looked back. It is a hard life though. You work hard for the cult and they control you. I don’t think there is more freedom in it than in my life now. At least I can eat what I want (or what my mind lets me eat) and have my coffee and cigs. I can listen to music or watch tv and stuff that I enjoy. Read what I want.
Maybe it’s an idea to try that life without committing to it being a permanent thing.
I’m sure they’ll look, but I believe that if this command really does come from God, then they won’t ever find me. And I don’t think my family will presume me to be dead, either, because I’ve already expressed this urge to run away to my uncle (sans mentioning the National Park. I live around very many swamps and marshes, and I believe that I mentioned something about running off into them. That was my original destination in fact, but I’ve realized that they aren’t big or secluded enough to keep me, besides being full of deadly Mosquitos.) and I’m sure he’d tell them this.
I’m sorry that you are trapped by your geography, but I’m very happy that you’ve found contentment in your life without having to dash. 🙂 I usually flip-flop between feeling as you feel and feeling consumed by this wanderlust. Then again, nearly nothing about my mind is consistent.
I understand what you mean, and I’m so glad I’m not the only one who has felt this! I don’t mind secularity that much, but it is so hard being as religious as I am in this rigidly, aggressively secular military town of mine. I’ve always had to fear their judgment. Even more so now that I’m a diagnosed crazy person. They think that’s so hilariously appropriate. The religious one is mentally ill! Ha ha ha ha! We knew it all along!
It’s no wonder that I hate it here.
And thanks for the info on the communes. I’ll do some research.
In my mind, there are only two worst-case scenarios to running off by myself: 1) I die. I’ve been struggling with suicidal urges for three or so years anyway, so. . . 2) I am caught and captured, and they send me to an institution. That would be their plan from the start, seeing as how I’m a known psychotic with a history of delusions. I’d probably stay there for a little while, and then go home, having learned a lesson, and now stabilized on whatever pills they’d put me on. I’d still win, because I’d be a martyr. Doesn’t sound too bad to me.
Well, I feel torn between thinking
a) It will be amazing. You will be truly alive and alone with nature and God. Even if you die you will die free.
b) It is too sad, don’t do it because you might get terrified and overwhelmed and die scared and alone.
c) If you get caught and captured you will have had a most excellent adventure.
Every one of those thoughts is valid, I think.
Thank you so much for talking to me about this, I really appreciate it. I’m going to be having a lot of thoughts on this plan of mine, too, and whenever I do I guess I’ll post about it.
That will be great, it is very interesting to me.
Whiskered fish, your idea is inspired. I have had directions that I can only describe from God, typically when I am in an up-cycle. However, even after I crash I look back on them as commands from God. I understand the compulsion to do what you need to do, even if it may be dangerous.
If you are hell bent on doing this (and I suspect you may be) Please read up on surviving in the wild, pack accordingly. Make sure you have a lighter and a knife of some sort. Also make sure you have something to purify your water, although dying in the wilderness by God’s command might seem romantic and peaceful, if you get amoebic dysentery or some other water borne ailment it will make the experience extremely painful. Dehydration is an awful way to end your life. I recommend one of those re-usable water purifiers that use a filter.
Please be safe. I love the wilderness too. I never feel more peaceful or closer to God than when I am miles away from people.