She gently tightens her scarf around her neck before she steps out of her toasty car. Her depression has been crushing her, crushing everything she is passionate about. Locking her car door behind her, she quickly walks across the street with her eyes pointed towards the sidewalk. She’s almost there; her long, pale fingers grasp the brass doorknob as she opens the door into another world.
Books. Everywhere with their pale pages, they invite her to delve into a world other than the one she lives in. The ink and paper smells comfort her as she begins the search for her next escape. All of the titles and colors and types of paper- almost too much for her anxiety riddled mind to take in. Of late, her anxiety has made her dizzy with worry, so reading through the summaries on the backs of the novels is a bit of a challenge, but she perseveres. Her eyes dart this way and that, waiting for that one cover to catch her heart.
She has picked through over 20 shelves of books, none of which have sparked a fire within her. Tears of frustration pick at her eyes. It seems as though depression has claimed her love of reading as well. What else would it snatch from her? What would be left?
Deciding that she would only look through one more shelf before she left, she brushed a stray tear from her cheek and continued her search. The tips of her fingers picked and prodded at the various bindings and covers, feeling for textures and new beginnings. There. A black book, covered in tendrils of smoke. As she touches the cover, she swore a spark went through her fingers. A smile crept to her lips. Ha! Take that, depression. Look what I found?! Something that you cannot take from me. With a triumphant feeling in her heart, she takes another gander around the bookstore, reveling in the warmth of the oak shelves, the burgundy reading chairs, and the gentle shushing of the ancient carpet beneath her boots.
share your suicide story
Report Post
Please log in to report posts
39 comments
: J I used to love reading. i haven’t been able to pick out a new novel in ages, though I was able to read some passages from old favorites lately…
One of the places I am most comfortable in is the library. Just browsing even though I can’t really read anymore has a comforting sense.
Still lovely writing, TaDB. I’m glad you got past that shriveled feeling.
What’s the title of that book?
Clockwork Prince it’s really good 🙂
🙂 heh oh man…. I read that and it’s successors awhile back.. That’s part of a prequel series and it’s honestly WAY better than the mortal instrument series it’s a precursor to.
I couldn’t finish the last book, though. I got over halfway through it and there was a battle so I skipped ahead (terrible of me, I know) to see if a certain someone lived, and I found myself at the end… Cried way too much and it got stuck in my head for a couple of weeks afterwards. It was a happy-ish ending but agh, couldn’t even go back to fill in the blanks.. I feel way too much sometimes.
So far this book is mindblowing! I mean, the City of Bones series is/was really good, but this book… this book it just hot damn
Right? I had a friend who I kept trying to turn on the series, but “I don’t read prequel series” bleh she missed out on so much..
Yeah no this prequel is totally necessary to fully enjoy the entire series. Will Herondale is a character that every reader must be introduced to… one sarcastic son of a ***** he is ha
Your writing is beautiful Take a Deep Breath. It’s very soothing to read, I feel transported by your words. 🙂
Honestly, you should get all your ideas together and get them reviewed in order to publish them. Pretty good stuff.
Take a Deep Breath,
very good!! trying to make me teary eyed? it’s working!!!
Aww thanks rocketman!! 🙂
Mf.
I offered Take a Deep Breath to join forces with me!!! 🙂 like pinky and the brain!! 🙂
I know that i don’t have to ask who is who there. Lose-lose situation, lol. And… i have to admit i’m pretty scared of what the result of that collaboration is going to be 😀
Yes rocketman!!! A great team we would be mwahaha
Mf,
well one thing is for sure they will either love us or hate us!! but! they will remember us! 🙂
“they’ll either love us or hate us but they will remember us”… amazingly quotable phrase. *writes it into his amazingly quotable phrases notebook*
Mf,
if i understand what your saying? somebody else made that Quote? i heard it before myself! but isn’t everything we say and everything we do been done before? aren’t we our minds a just a repeat of things from the past? i wish i was so original! but atlas those days are over for most, it’s very hard to and to hear something that hasn’t been said a thousand times! in other words were running out of original material! it just gets harder all the time! very seldom do i heard anything that hasn’t been already said.
Nah, i just thought that it’s an awesome quote. It does sound familiar but no idea if it was said before…. i was also pointing out that i’m stealing it for future use, lol. It is true that mostly everything has already been said or invented tho… kinda scary if you think about it.
Just for fun, I googled it and came up with something close: “They will either love us or hate us, but this will be a show that won’t be forgotten soon.” [Hunger, by Karen E. Taylor]
What kinda books you been readin’? 😉
Pretty sure it is a Bruce Willis Die Hard quote.
Pretty impressed by your quote remembering abilities at this point. Are you even human? lol.
yes, all this and ability to pull meaningless trivia out of my ass. I’m a keeper.
Hazy Day Sunflower and Mf, i’m pretty sure it was the rolling stones that said it!!! ha ha!!
I’m starting to thing it was God who said it when he created the world. (i mean, if we’re going THAT far back, lol).
LOL that one took a few heartbeats to get Mf.
My bad writing didn’t help either (to thing? TO THINK, lol). Kinda disturbed at the moment because my favorite t-shirt just died. Never forget to wash a t-shirt after applying oxiclean to it… it will go from white to yellow :/
First world problems FTW.
LOL. Oxyclean.
More irony. Oh wait I can’t kill myself until I rinse out the oxyclean or my favorite t-shirt will be ruined.
First world problems indeed.
Yeah… already ruined tho. I ran into ebay to see if there was another one of the same but nope. Thank you uniqlo for giving up the rights of one piece merchandising to cospa, which make ugly, overpriced, and weird-sized shirts.
And now excuse me while mourn my t-shirt forever (or at least until i find a similar one, it was just the right amount of discrete/geeky… you don’t find that every day).
Out of random curiosity, what did your favorite t-shirt look like?
This one: img .kidsamurai .com/prestashop/img/p/734-1958-thickbox.jpg might not look special at all, but it’s my favorite because of this:
1. I’m really white skinned (not albino levels, but still), with dark hair, so either wearing white or black shirts doesn’t fit me… somehow the colors on that one fit me just fine.
2. The size. I’m 1.70 60kg so i have plenty of prob picking up clothes around here… yet that one fits perfectly (which is really unusual to me… usually my grandma fixes most of my clothes, lol).
3. Started using it after that marathon i had (600eps in a couple of months) and considering that it kinda saved my life… well, it does have extra value for me. The fact that they don’t make them anymore (and i can only find the same one in fluorescent green color) doesn’t help either, lol. Next time i find a favorite something i’ll buy several even if i have to eat rocks for the rest of the month.
Mf I had to actually look up the conversions for that lol. That shirt is just so awesome, I mean totally awesome. Nothing is worse than a favorite item getting trashed. I feel the same way about my green cowboy boots I found in a junk shop. I would be just devastated if anything were to happen to them. Here’s to hoping you find another shirt that has even half as much meaning.
What is 600eps in a couple months?
@HDS: Guess i should have started doing this (the @name thing) to make things easier… sometimes i forget, sorry, lol. I kinda already know that when it dies completely i’ll just cut the drawing part and frame it and hang it around or something, too cool to let it go to waste (oxyclean kinda yellowed/burnt it at the arms… funniest thing because i was trying to get deodorant yellow out of it… the irony). Never cared much about clothes items getting ruined but i guess my ocd levels have gone up with the years.
Hopefully nothing will happen to your boots (guessing those are more durable tho). Coincidentally i have some sneakers that i never wear because i don’t want them to get ruined (pretty sure i’ll never find them again either)… not risking those (damn me and my collector/like ocd).
600 eps in a couple months: I watched 600 eps of one piece in a couple of months (never seen it before at that time), from 1 to 600. I think i watched something like 5-10 episodes each day… maybe more. The thing is, i was at my lowest, and that sort of… saved me (or at least prolonged my life long enough), as stupid as it might sound.
Oh right, gotcha. No I totally get it. I would argue that Korean Drama did much the same for me last fall. I was pretty low but binging on all this amazing drama just flat out did it for me.
FTR my boots look like these in the link but they are heavier leather and a little bit more green with a flat leather look. I have never seen them anywhere, I found them at a junk shop near my house about 8 years ago. They are amazing and comfortable and totally me. I think they are justin’s but dont’ quote me on that. Nope, totally get outlandish things saving your life.
www. ebay. com/itm/Zodiac-USA-green-leather-cowboy-western-boots-women-size-5-5-/321919863390?hash=item4af3eb4a5e:g:-pAAAOSwEgVWRb0V
@HDS: Those are pretty cool, pretty stylish/texas like, which i’m guessing suit you and the place you are at, lol. Let me guess, if those boots ever break you’ll patch them until you can’t patch them anymore? haha.
I would. yup. they need to get resoled this year, the stitching is starting to come out. And fTR good boots never break. I’m thinking I’ll request to be buried in them.
I wouldn’t know about good boots tbh. I’m a sneakers kind of guy, which i have to get a new pair every couple of months (i glue the hell out of them until the rubber breaks). I can’t even wear shoes without getting my feet damaged. Damn my hobbit feet.
LOL Hobbit feet.
@Hf. One Piece is on Netflix and it is even dubbed in English. I win TV tonight for sure. I’m going to put it on as soon as I get the TV to myself which will be in 3….2…..1..
Do people really enjoy dubs? the only english dub i like is dragon ball z, since vegeta’s voice seems like he’s either on 4 packs a day or he’s a truck driver (or both). So angry… just kinda fits him. IT’S OVER NINE-THOUSAND!!! just doesn’t sound the same in any other language.
I watched one piece mostly on crunchy roll (subbed).