No, since I don’t speak to many people about these issues. However, I do tell myself the first one in particular.
I must be holding onto something if I haven’t died yet, right? Be it the avoidance of pain, going through further hardship… Those reasons keep me alive and make me not really want to die. The idea of death appeals a lot less when pain accompanies it. That’s what’s holding me back, personally.
No one has said that to me, but I’ve heard it before. Like if you don’t want to be here, you really wouldn’t be. Honestly, if I think about my entire life, I must have a death wish. An impulsive overdose didn’t kill me, but it very well could have. I’ve also done impulsive things like go out with random guys and one time I took a combination of ecstasy with an anti-depressant that actually should have killed me, but again, it didn’t. Instead, I blacked out completely for hours and woke up in a random guy’s house on his floor and his sorry ass took me back home. I could have died so many times, I really should be thankful. Why do I still want to die though when I know I should be grateful to still be alive? Something is wrong with me.
Hell, there are people who do less dangerous things and they end up dead, if I really think about it. People just go for a walk or something and never return, but me? I’ve put myself in certain dangerous situations and I’m still here. Better start being thankful I guess. Sorry I’m venting. I just don’t have anywhere else to share this. I’m afraid of my own life.
I figure people would say that to me if I actually told them that I’m suicidal. But, I never know if people would be close minded about it.
I think that, for people who have never been in that position or even remotely thought of it, it’s difficult to understand. Sometimes, it’s not about wanting to die, but having no other option to choose from. Sometimes when you’re at the edge, you always have the option to live or die, but the question isn’t if you really want to die or not, but if what you’re choosing is less painful.
It’s up to you who you tell but remember average people like to talk and gossip, people will look at you differently, could hurt you in all areas, friends,work,at home,relationships,can even get you locked up,it’s just not good to tattoo i want to kill myself across your forehead, best thing to do is try to seek help on your own if you can, or if you can’t do that tell your family your not feeling well and go to doctor,tell them everything,except you want to kill yourself,say something like i wish i were dead but i’d never kill myself, the idea is they will prescribe medicine and some kind of therapy for your depression, and that’s what you want is help and not to be committed, being committed isn’t helping anyone they just keep you under observation you don’t want that! you just want to talk to the right people if you need to. That’s my opinion.
You put this so much better than I could have in the middle of the night.
Do not say you plan on killing yourself to a therapist or psychiatrist, unless you want to be put away in the hospital. Like rocketman said, word it like “I don’t want to be here anymore, but I don’t have a plan or anything.”
I’ve been in the psych ward twice and I’ve only been made to feel like a zoo animal that can’t escape. Also, you haven’t seen “crazy” until you’re in there with some supremely messed up people. That makes you feel worst about yourself because they see you just like that. Then again, maybe being committed to a hospital is necessary in order to at least force some kind of medication and get started, but that’s up to you. At the very least, talk to a professional.
ha ha! well put, i one time went to a i guess it was a support group because i was having depression, many years ago, i was thinking i could talk one on one and get some meds or something, there i was in a room of people all crying and ruined, then the person in charge said everyone one by one get up tell about yourself and your problems, ha ha! i was listening to there stories and realize fuck these people are really fucked up!! crying carrying on! over nothing! also some were really bad had really bad lives! oh my god! i felt sweet Jesus i don’t belong here! my depression at the time was due to nerve damage although i didn’t know that for another 20 years or so, so the guy say ok your turn! i got up and said to everybody, i’m really sorry about your situations i hope for the best for you, i don’t belong here, the guy got mad! yes you do! and i said no i don’t good bye!!!! ha ha and left, in my mind i thought it was the end of the world but after seeing that i said fuck! i’m a fucking lucky guy! it taught me that i had no real problems i couldn’t handle on my own. and it was true, I’ve been suffering from this nerve damage ever since, but after years went by i went to doctors tried anti depressants which did nothing except mess with my thingy ha ha! sounds nasty sorry but old rocketman can’t handle that!!! 🙂 that just made me more depressed! so i stopped that crap, I’ve kept researching to find the root cause and in the mean time medicated myself with alcohol, pills for pain, anxiety, and it’s been a vicious circle but kept me alive, now i’m much closer to finding the answers that doctors just didn’t understand, i had to impress on them what we needed to do, bit by bit, i feel progress, bottom line is you know what the root cause is better than anyone, identify it! and fight to turn in around, for the underlining root cause is whats making you sick! and it effects everything going on in your life.
You make me smile. I’m laughing because the guy got mad when you said you don’t belong there. That’s exactly what you realize though. You don’t belong with those kind of people. It’s awful for your self-esteem. I hated group therapy in the psych award. Also, it kind of feels like high school because you have to go have lunch with others you don’t know and you feel completely out of place. You never know who you’ll end up sharing a room with either! Ugh. I did group therapy at the place I see my therapist and psychiatrist regularly and I felt ok there, like those people understood me. I think because that was a more controlled and selective environment instead of a hospital with just anybody off the street.
I’ve been self-medicating too and I feel like you have to do whatever you need to in order to get through the day. I’m glad you’re finally getting down to the bottomline of your problem. I think ultimately I need to move out of my environment, but right now that thought takes way more energy than I have right now. Thanks for making me smile. Take care of yourself. 🙂
12 comments
200085,
Nope! and the reason why is! i never talk about it to anyone ever except on here. and they are wrong! but don’t prove it to them 🙂
No, since I don’t speak to many people about these issues. However, I do tell myself the first one in particular.
I must be holding onto something if I haven’t died yet, right? Be it the avoidance of pain, going through further hardship… Those reasons keep me alive and make me not really want to die. The idea of death appeals a lot less when pain accompanies it. That’s what’s holding me back, personally.
No one has said that to me, but I’ve heard it before. Like if you don’t want to be here, you really wouldn’t be. Honestly, if I think about my entire life, I must have a death wish. An impulsive overdose didn’t kill me, but it very well could have. I’ve also done impulsive things like go out with random guys and one time I took a combination of ecstasy with an anti-depressant that actually should have killed me, but again, it didn’t. Instead, I blacked out completely for hours and woke up in a random guy’s house on his floor and his sorry ass took me back home. I could have died so many times, I really should be thankful. Why do I still want to die though when I know I should be grateful to still be alive? Something is wrong with me.
Hell, there are people who do less dangerous things and they end up dead, if I really think about it. People just go for a walk or something and never return, but me? I’ve put myself in certain dangerous situations and I’m still here. Better start being thankful I guess. Sorry I’m venting. I just don’t have anywhere else to share this. I’m afraid of my own life.
I figure people would say that to me if I actually told them that I’m suicidal. But, I never know if people would be close minded about it.
I think that, for people who have never been in that position or even remotely thought of it, it’s difficult to understand. Sometimes, it’s not about wanting to die, but having no other option to choose from. Sometimes when you’re at the edge, you always have the option to live or die, but the question isn’t if you really want to die or not, but if what you’re choosing is less painful.
So basicly what your all saying is that you should never talk about how you truly feel even if you really want help
If you really want help, please see a professional! I can’t stress that enough. I think people are saying they don’t discuss this with just anyone.
200085,
It’s up to you who you tell but remember average people like to talk and gossip, people will look at you differently, could hurt you in all areas, friends,work,at home,relationships,can even get you locked up,it’s just not good to tattoo i want to kill myself across your forehead, best thing to do is try to seek help on your own if you can, or if you can’t do that tell your family your not feeling well and go to doctor,tell them everything,except you want to kill yourself,say something like i wish i were dead but i’d never kill myself, the idea is they will prescribe medicine and some kind of therapy for your depression, and that’s what you want is help and not to be committed, being committed isn’t helping anyone they just keep you under observation you don’t want that! you just want to talk to the right people if you need to. That’s my opinion.
You put this so much better than I could have in the middle of the night.
Do not say you plan on killing yourself to a therapist or psychiatrist, unless you want to be put away in the hospital. Like rocketman said, word it like “I don’t want to be here anymore, but I don’t have a plan or anything.”
I’ve been in the psych ward twice and I’ve only been made to feel like a zoo animal that can’t escape. Also, you haven’t seen “crazy” until you’re in there with some supremely messed up people. That makes you feel worst about yourself because they see you just like that. Then again, maybe being committed to a hospital is necessary in order to at least force some kind of medication and get started, but that’s up to you. At the very least, talk to a professional.
brokenandbent30,
ha ha! well put, i one time went to a i guess it was a support group because i was having depression, many years ago, i was thinking i could talk one on one and get some meds or something, there i was in a room of people all crying and ruined, then the person in charge said everyone one by one get up tell about yourself and your problems, ha ha! i was listening to there stories and realize fuck these people are really fucked up!! crying carrying on! over nothing! also some were really bad had really bad lives! oh my god! i felt sweet Jesus i don’t belong here! my depression at the time was due to nerve damage although i didn’t know that for another 20 years or so, so the guy say ok your turn! i got up and said to everybody, i’m really sorry about your situations i hope for the best for you, i don’t belong here, the guy got mad! yes you do! and i said no i don’t good bye!!!! ha ha and left, in my mind i thought it was the end of the world but after seeing that i said fuck! i’m a fucking lucky guy! it taught me that i had no real problems i couldn’t handle on my own. and it was true, I’ve been suffering from this nerve damage ever since, but after years went by i went to doctors tried anti depressants which did nothing except mess with my thingy ha ha! sounds nasty sorry but old rocketman can’t handle that!!! 🙂 that just made me more depressed! so i stopped that crap, I’ve kept researching to find the root cause and in the mean time medicated myself with alcohol, pills for pain, anxiety, and it’s been a vicious circle but kept me alive, now i’m much closer to finding the answers that doctors just didn’t understand, i had to impress on them what we needed to do, bit by bit, i feel progress, bottom line is you know what the root cause is better than anyone, identify it! and fight to turn in around, for the underlining root cause is whats making you sick! and it effects everything going on in your life.
You make me smile. I’m laughing because the guy got mad when you said you don’t belong there. That’s exactly what you realize though. You don’t belong with those kind of people. It’s awful for your self-esteem. I hated group therapy in the psych award. Also, it kind of feels like high school because you have to go have lunch with others you don’t know and you feel completely out of place. You never know who you’ll end up sharing a room with either! Ugh. I did group therapy at the place I see my therapist and psychiatrist regularly and I felt ok there, like those people understood me. I think because that was a more controlled and selective environment instead of a hospital with just anybody off the street.
I’ve been self-medicating too and I feel like you have to do whatever you need to in order to get through the day. I’m glad you’re finally getting down to the bottomline of your problem. I think ultimately I need to move out of my environment, but right now that thought takes way more energy than I have right now. Thanks for making me smile. Take care of yourself. 🙂
My own therapist did, at least twice. Really frustrated me.