Alot of changes have been happening, and I just can’t adjust everything all together is tearing me up inside, my home broken and the one person I depended on is gone, even worse she can’t stand me and is so rude, the suicidal thoughts have set in and there not giving up, that physically I’m never gonna get better, or I’ll be managing this my whole life,I’m never gonna see my cats again, the only thing that held me from becoming a complete utter mess, I was holding it together for like a week and then I talked about it and uncaged the dark beast I been holding in me for as long as I can remember, the sadness, the rage scraping at my chest trying to escape, leaving me completely empty.
It’s been almost wow 3 years maybe since I’ve cut and I know I don’t want to cause all it let was worries of past and future scars,but the urge is so deep the anxiety is so strong it scares me, I cant even breath, when I cry I hyperventilate and have to scream, I’ve been trying so hard to reach out to people cause I can’t and don’t want to go through with this,but the hope is gone…completely I can’t sleep, all I do is worry and deal with physical pain and mental pain on my own, even when I try to explain there no words, draw,there’s no pictures, just onebig scribble one big mess, so I tried to explain to someone I just wanna roll in paint and fling my body all over the walls. Scream and release every breath.
I feel forsaken, ungrateful ,completely broken.
I’m so empty, I have no one to go to for help and I don’t know anyone who understand. I thought maybe you would?
6 comments
I do. I know how your feeling and I know that it sucks. But try not to lose hope
Honestly, suicide creeps up on every hopeful thought I have, I’m supose to leave for florida in 3 weeks and I don’t even think I’ll make it that long. That was supose to be hope, but the i dont even feel like i want to go anymore , scenery will change, the misery will remain.
where are you going to?
Live with my dad in Florida for a idk how long, nobody wants me around
I understand.
This is a great place to come for help and the compassion that you need. Many of us really do understand and face the same challenges as you. Please keep communicating with us and i hope you find a small amount of comfort in knowing you’re not suffering alone, people do care.