Just another day

Hi Abiss: it’s early morning here in Texas, I’m not sure what time zone you are in, but I read this and wanted to let you know I am thinking of you.

Holidays suck, I totally agree. On Thursday I was sitting through what should have been a 45 minutes tops school Christmas concert, you know the one where each grade gets up and sings in their own special key some well known Christmas songs?

In an effort to be inclusive five songs were sung by each grade. Five songs. I’ll let you go ahead and digest that, I’ll even hand you this chopstick next to me so you can jam it into your eye in bewilderment. Five songs each.

But it wasn’t so much the five songs as that the five songs were not truly inclusive. The music teacher tried, I’ll give her props for that. But if you are going to be so self masterbatory that you need to include five songs at least have them truly inclusive.

The five songs were equally spread out to represent Christmas, Hannukah and Kwanza. So why the five? NO IDEA. So I sat there, getting more and more desperate and thinking that I really should have brought a bottle of schnapps with me, and looking next to me I found the mother sitting next to me looked equally as desperate as we rounded a solid hour of off key singing.

Then it came to me…five song each, lets get really inclusive here. We have the staple three but why not add Islam and Hindu into the mix. Both have some major holidays this month, I believe Islam has the birth of Mohammad this month, which seems like it would be comparable on some level to Christmas, except for the whole virgin birth part, and the filthy barn. And Hindu? Holy toledo, I’d kill to be Hindo, they have a celebration just about every day this month. I was thinking a Muslim devotional song, the kids could bring out all the drums and the so so adult singer who accompanied the kids could belt out some decent Qawwali, not Nus Fetah level, but it would sure beat three Christian songs I don’t particularly like. And then the finally gelled. There is the festival in India where everyone throws powdered paint at each other and it is just a rainbow mess. The kids could end each song with chucking powdered paint all over and smiling and as the concert dragged on there would be this rainbow of accumulated paint all over the stage and all over the kids, and it would be glorious. Now THAT my friend would totally be inclusive.

So, there you have it, a bit of a half glass full moment for you this morning. I can’t take the emptiness away from you, I can’t stop the holidays from being a total trainwreck But if you find yourself at a never ending Christmas concert ready to hit yourself in the head with the closest blunt object, must imagine they are all throwing powdered paint at each other. Better yet glow in the dark powered paint. Then imagine throwing the light switch and the hilarity that will ensue from 400 kids running around the stage and audience glowing in 27 or so random rainbow colors.

Here’s to glow int he dark paint!

HDS