No one knows how much I’m suffering . And the ones who do tell me I’m too much. So what do I do?
I’ve been going about every day all by my self . And I am alone . All my thoughts get to me . Some days I stand outside and notice how beautiful it is and feel the warm sun and close my eyes and i somehow feel content in that moment , being by my self .
Whenever I’m going to hangout with someone , they end up making excuses to why they can’t hangout. I wish people would straight up tell me they don’t want to see me . I feel lonely . And I feel like I don’t have a voice anymore.
I feel like nothing . Even on this website . I feel like what I have to say doesn’t matters . No one really cares . And that is fine because other people have life’s they care about .
I wish people could understand the thoughts I have . I wish I didn’t have to think them. If I was surrounded all the time I would never have to think. But when I’m alone it all flows back to me.
I have never been this alone in my life . And I feel like this would be the perfect time to finally let go. No one would notice if I was gone for a little while. I could finally go in peace .
I wish one person would just ask me , “how is your day?” But I don’t get one person to talk to me . Even in class . Everyone Carries on. I’m invisible . Even my words are invisible . They mean nothing .
3 comments
Heh, i sort of know how that feels. In my case it’s become more of a “the people that cares doesn’t deserve to deal with this, and the rest of the people are only nice when they need something”. As for the hanging out thing i wouldn’t know, because i no longer have friends (lost the remaining few thanks to my ex). My class mates only talk to me to ask me about assignments or stuff like that. In your case there might be some people that genuinely can’t hangout tho, life this days is so busy that people barely have time to go to the bathroom, let alone socialize.
That said i don’t know what can be done about it (i would have done it if i knew). People in this site genuinely cares, but there’s times when (i speak for myself here) we are way to buried in our own mess to be able to articulate answers. And still, that wouldn’t solve your problem. I have a difficult time thinking that what you say doesn’t matter or that you’re invisible tho, but hey what do i know, i feel the same everyday as well. For what it’s worth this post did mean a lot to me, and i thank you for sharing your thoughts here.
I think I read a few posts of yours where you talk about being alone and having no one. You should know that a lot of people see and read your posts, though they don’t always comment. Don’t think that people on here don’t care. I mean I think we’re even around the same age, I’ll be your friend. Seriously! I mean that. I feel like we all complain about how lonely and friendless we are but never really make an effort to form friendships. I can give you my email and we can start from there if you want. Let me know Nicole. 🙂
I actually like what you have to say and look forward to what you write. I loved your ten things this new year and hope you can pull through this. You sound so full of life and you’re definetly a positive for this site