I think I drive my self crazy. Last night I woke up at 3:11am , I always wake at this time. The numbers are really significant . They say that angels are trying to reach to me to give me peace . Numbers freak me out . And math freaks me out . Newton invented math , BUT HOW THE FUCK IS IT SO PERFECT??? I was up to 7 am this morning researching shit on this . It makes me head hurt . Then I started researching more philosophical views on life . All these geniuses were depressed too . I think they knew too much. Sometimes I think I understand the world way differently than more people . And that is what separates me from being normal in insane . After thinking about all this stuff last night I started crying . I don’t know why. I think I want to know the reason I’m here, and I haven’t found it yet . I feel like my life is worthless . There is no point . I want to believe that there is a god , but I don’t . If there is a god, why does so much bad happen in the world ? I’m afraid death will be eternal darkness forever , like how it is when we are asleep.
I really am crazy
5 comments
I have one reason that’s still keeping me alive. Once that is done, I’m so gone, I won’t even look back. I sure hope death is like falling asleep. As long as it brings me peace. All I want is peace.
And, I don’t believe in God, even though I was raised a Christian.
This is completely irrelevant and off topic, but I just want to say Newton did not ‘invent math’. Math is one of the purest constructs of the mind. It cannot be invented. Like water and wind, it simply exists, and has always existed.
If there is consciousness, there is math. If there is a problem, there is must be reason. Mathematics is different from physics, or biology, or…anything, really. Because math is the only thing left which is truly pure. Well, maybe music. Math and music, I guess.
Also, Nicole, stop thinking too much. I overthink things too, and it prevents me from living life to the fullest. I barely have a relationship with anyone outside of my family because of this. Actually, I don’t have any friends. Maybe just 1. I’m not even sure of that. I live my life in my head. I scrutinize every single detail, even when I’m not supposed to. I stuff up everything because of it.
Forget the numbers. Stop researching stuff. Let life surprise you, even if it tends to give us the bad stuff more often than not. Live in the moment. Live in the now. Stop driving yourself crazy.
I like what u say ylem and morder. But i was going to say maybe overthinking is good to keep learning things. Like all the time. I try to redirect my thinking into learnining. Cuz i think alot. Its hard not to think so much
“Don’t think; feel! It is like a finger pointing away to the moon. Don’t concentrate on the finger or you will miss all that heavenly glory. Do you understand?”
– Uncle Bruce.