(Not a poem this time, I just need to rant)
I’m a size 8. I still feel like a size 18.
I wear a medium shirt. I still feel like a size XXL.
I look in the mirror and my face bloats.
I hate my eyes. I hate my smile. I hate the dimples in my cheeks. I hate my lips. I hate my chin.
It’s been getting worse lately and I don’t know how to stop the skewed perception I have of myself.
I go to the gym 3-5 times a week, I do yoga, I eat healthy (I’m vegan ffs) yet I still feel disgusting and guilty everytime I eat something.
I cover my mirrors because I can’t stand looking at myself.
6 comments
Hi my favourite poem writer. 🙂
It’s bad that you are not feeling good today. Hope you will be fine by the next minute.
Smiles for you. 🙂 🙂 🙂
And
Don’t cover the mirrors. You are beautiful. 🙂
Body dysmorphia is tough to overcome. I think most western woman have this to one degree or another. I like the idea of just getting rid of the mirrors. Then you can form a healthy picture of yourself in your head.
Mirrors are abusive.
BDD is a type of OCD that’s crippling to a person’s ability to function, it’s not a type of self hate but a hindering medical condition most women do NOT have a form of it. People get dry skin but that’s not a “degree” of an actual skin condition like psoriasis i.e. saying most women have BDD minimizes its significance and perpetuates its taboo to address
True. You make a valid point.
Is it because you need to be loved and you feel unloveable?
The mind is abusive. We can hide a great many things, the torment we feel, longings for death, dearth of feeling. That’s all internal. Appearance is something that anyone we come into physical contact with throughout the day will notice. How we feel about ourselves is on full display to any and everyone.
Just saying ‘you’re beautiful’ or not looking in the mirror could never come close to managing the insidiousness of it.