Ever had the feeling of touching something and it doesn’t feel like YOU are the one who’s touching it? What is this feeling. I feel empty indise, but I also feel dizzy and sometimes when I think of something bad I feel hot and angry. I didn’t take any of my meds in the weekend except sleeping pills in the evenings, but I took today’s portion, may be the pills messed me up.
Today I ended a conversation with somebody. He contacted me out of the blue saying he has a method which works 100%, but I needed to tell him about myself so he could decide whether killing myself was the answer or not. I was suspicious, I wanted proof about the facts he stated about himself. He passed my test, so I told him about my problems. Turned out, he had a method which includes him traveling here (he was from an other country..), staying here and helping me to kill myself. I told him that what he offers to me is a HOMICIDE, not a suicide.
For fuck’s sake people who are out there like this emotional parasite, stop contacting suicidal people, and instead of it start searching for other preys.
Suicide is a goddamn statement. A statement which says: I’ve had it all, thank you, it is enough, this is the end, I don’t want this pain anymore, I can’t figh anymore, I give up, I fucking give up. It should be done alone, it’s a fucking private thing. I don’t want anybody to be there when I do it, especially not a total fucking stranger who is feeding on my sadness and watching me die makes him feel like he’s done the good thing and his karma is unharmed.
6 comments
I feel very bad you are going thru very bad phase. Hope you will recover soon. 🙂
Here some advice on medication – either you take your complete course seriously or don’t take it all.
I can give simplest example – suppose you want to drink tea but you neither’t want to add milk nor water. Now what you have in name of tea, just tea leaves. Does it gonna taste like you wanted.
Answerr – NO.
So if you wanna take meds, take it properly. And sleeping pills alone are too much addictive. I had to put really hard effort to go back to my normal sleep.
I stopped taking my meds 8 months before and even this much of time I am unable to have a decent sleep. I know meds effects are wear off now. It not addition of meds which prevents me from having proper sleep. It’s just me who can’t sleep.
Be well Sister. 🙂
Be Happy, Have peace. 🙂
Be safe. I am worried. Whoever that person is stay away from him. People are very cruel and self centred. No one gives a damm about your pain except few people. (Some of them may be in your real life and some of them are here.) And rest of the world is so cruel and harsh. Sis, You are already so much hurt. Please don’t do anything which makes it more wrose than it already is.
I need sleeping pills in order to sleep. Before sleeping pills I woke up after 1-2 hours of sleep and I had a rush of thoughts and couldn’t sleep till my alarm went out, and was time to go work from night to night. Now if I wake up I can go back to sleep in minutes. I will try to take my meds, but I am in a state where I give a shit about myself, I even destruct myself consciously, so it is goddamn hard. I take them because I don’t want others to see me being nervous.
I ended our convo in the name of privacy and indignation. As i mentioned in my post, suicide is a private thing, it is done alone. Sharing a method is okay, but being there while it’s done.. It is like having sex with a stranger, NO, NO and NO. And common, what a sick person would be there and do nothing while the other person is dying… Disgusting.
You can try few other things for sleep.
Like you can go for a long walk before sleep so you will be tired and sleep properly. Or you can try some natural home remedies which you can search on Internet if you don’t know.
If you want to stop meds, Don’t stop medicating suddenly.
Do it step wise.. less quality after every two days..
Or of you want to continue, then do it seriously. Sometimes meds can help.
You can set alarm, so that you don’t miss your dosage.
If you are taking medicine for 1st time. I would suggest you take your medicine properly. I have seen people who works/feel better on medication.
Ture & hopeful example, there was a person at my work place who was suffering from depression and later he become manic. He took proper medication for a year & half. He is fine and not even on meds now.
I told you this because meds works on some people. Although It’s depends on lots of other things.
But I think once you should at least try proper medication.
I know exactly what you are talking about when you say you touch things and don’t really feel like it’s you touching them. I actually experienced this just yesterday and it’s been happening for a while. Do you feel dazed and a bit like you’re not really in your body? Like you’re just going through the motions? Like you’re watching yourself do things but don’t really feel like you’re the one doing them? You touch things but you don’t really feel them? I’ve been feeling this way for years, it’s called depersonalization/derealization. It comes with the anxiety. Just know you’re not alone, I hope you feel better soon. 🙂
Yes, I exactly felt that, but I have never felt these stuff, so I couldn’t name them or describe them exactly as they were. I thought I grew some new personality disorders other than those I already have.. This was the first time I felt this, or when I was aware of it. It was strange..