I’m so tired of this! I’m so tired of being treated like trash! I broke up with my girlfriend cause I wasnt happy. She’s now putting me through hell and making me feel horrible. I’m tired of my family being horrible to me. I’m tired of being made fun of. I’m tired of not wanting to go home. I want this to be over but I’m trapped. I cant get out of here alive. I just want to die and get this all over with. I dont have a special person I’ll be leaving so that wont hold me back. No one cares except my cousin. No one gives a rats ass about that stupid tall freak of nature. That’s all I am. I’m horrible. I’m a piece of trash. I hurt everyone. I’m no good to this world. I should just leave and make everyone happy, because I know they will be. no one will cry when I die. My ex will throw a party probably. My step father wont care. My real father will only care because he wont be getting money for me anymore. My mom might be a bit upset but she’s up my step dad’s ass so much she doesnt even care. I know that when I die they might be able to give my colon to my aunt. She needs it, she has a lot to live for, two kids, a loving husband, everything. The only people that will be really hurt is my brother and cousin. I have no friends anymore. Everyone was on my ex’s side so I have no one out of family that will care. I’ve lost everything. I really just want to leave and be with my great grandfather in the after life. But I’ve tired a lot to kill myself and nothing works. I’m tired of googling it. I’m tired of trying my best and only getting panic attacks. I dont know what to do anymore. But I dont want to be here.
Now my cousin is saying what I always say “if you go I go” I cant have him die too. But this isnt fair to me!
4 comments
Aie; seems like theres a lot going on.
Its funny how one situation can steer a person to suicide.
Trust me, I too feel the same whenever the slightest things go wrong.
But,
Hmm, I say give it a month.
Did you break up with your girlfriend now?
Imagine it, if you broke up with her recently, its going to hurt. You say your family was on her side, but if you broke up with her…
Then what? Its not like your family can say anything if you two are broken up. She’s out of your life, practically.
Regardless, its a decision.
Do you want your cousin to follow your footsteps if you do attempt?
2 deaths?
Another question is if you’re really sure.
Do you really REALLY feel like this is mandatory, especially knowing your cousin’s on the same boat as you if you decide to go through?
I think you should stick by your cousin’s side as much as you can, and be happy near him/her.
Then maybe you’ll end up thinking back and saying, “Things have gotten a bit better.”
Now, undoubtedly, I am not AT ALL, saying that things will get better.
But near a break-up?
Things seem like their the worst.
Get through a day, then a week, then a month, then maybe as long as you can.
But if its a recent breakup steering you to act impulsively, you may end up regretting this decision, especially if it affects your cousin.
You say, “no one cares,” but thats a lie.
You’re cousin does.
And if its one person to change your decision; then its your cousin.
I’ve been talking to my cousin a lot… The break up was hard but it seemed like after I was okay, It was only when she was making me feel horrible for leaving her. Thank you for your comment. I have been thinking about killing myself a lot but you’re right my cousin has always been there to change my mind.
Call me a hypocrite because I believe if one seeks for suicide as their option; then it should be done if they really want it.
But there was a hidden cry of help that I figured out through reading your post.
But,
Stay away from her; stay near your cousin 🙂
That’ll help make your life easier, just for now 🙂
You seem very desperate and without anything positive holding you in this life. I can relate.
You are right in something, if you die, no-one will change their life for that, people will continue like nothing happens, some will miss you a little, others maybe will cry for a while, but life will go on. No everybody care enough for the life of others or the happiness of others, the way we do or some people do.
Do not call your self trash, why are you feeling like that? who hurt you to the point that you do not want to live more? What life did to you?