been a long time since i have suicidal thoughts going on through my mind . it seems like getting stronger each day . the scars on my wrist are getting deeper and deeper each day . and each day , I’m hating myself even more . every day i questioned myself why am i even alive . i just wished i can be died . be dead by losing a lot of blood or even eating a lot of pills so i overdosed . my life couldn’t get any worser . why am i alive . why is my life like this . i just […]
Tag:
hating
I’m so sick of living my life
I’m so sick of hating myself.. I just want to be in peace.
So hopefully soon the voices inside my head will shut the fck up
Well I still hate this monday. From the moment I awoke I wanted to crawl under a rock and die.
The feeling of constant pressure on my chest has lifted somewhat but the feeling of tightness in my throat is still there. Much like choking. Only cried once more before days end. this day reminded me of a song by fear factory called dog day sunrise. ( not the movie.. dog day afternoon). Not sure why, just kept thinking it over and over.
I worry that its sick that it makes me feel better when I realise other people here feel like […]
Its only halfway thru the day & I have already been in the work bathroom crying twice. !!! Not coping today at all. Will update after work. If I make that far. I hate mondays.
Following from earlier post. Just spoke to my mum, she laid total guilt trip on me for not visiting her. Now im in a total manic questioning everything about my rat ass life spiral. !! Stuck between anger and tears. Hating myself and hating her!! The irony is that im 39 fucking years old!!! Why do I feel like im 5 years old again and stuck in between divorcing parents! !! Wow, sorry, I dont mean to project on anyone younger than me. Its just my messed up family. And the worst part is im outta valium and ice cream!!! Could do with some […]
Had to ditch visiting my mum today cos I cant leave the house. Shes going thru a rough time but I still cant help her. Now im sitting hear hating myself, racked with guilt. The spiral begins. Been repeating this pattern for sooo long!!
Sometimes I can no longer cope with anxiety and dark images/feelings in my head so I hurt myself, I waste time, I waste opportunities, I waste myself. I once was a rather clever child but now I am stupid distracted and numbed by all my fears. An ancient monster from the past, doing really dirty things. But I’m afraid of making him human so I did’nt ask for his name. My mother want this story to be burried and forgotten but I don’t no what to do. I hate him and I hate myself at the same time, and I wish he could fall and […]
And I think it’s working. I don’t feel as bad, as bad I already do. I’m sad ofcourse and thats really all but I’m doing things. Keeping up brushing my teeth and trying to eat better. That’s it SP.
. Atleast alittle.
This month, I was a victim of abuse. Twice. No, not “use (something) to bad effect or for a bad purpose; misuse”, it’s “treat with cruelty or violence, especially regularly or repeatedly”. I’ve been abused many times now, but I think this month is the worst.
Abuse story 1:
So, one day I was in class, didn’t finish my work, so I was supposed to stay back for recess, but I didn’t want to. The teacher dragged my collar (I was about 3-5 meters away from the class when this happened) all the way to the classroom door, and threw me. I hit something, so I got […]
Everytime my friends call or try and talk to me I feel like I’m being awkward. I feel like that triggers my friends to jump on the friendship train with my sister more than me. That’s why they seem bored around me. How can I get rid of this awkwardness and freely talk and be funny without being offensive or mean..? I’m so troubled with this, I don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m the only one who does this, to new friends or the same friends I have. I feel like there is something wrong with me..
Im done with this. i cant take it, this is more than what i can take, ive been depressed too long, ive been pretending that im happy too long, ive been hating myself too long, im horrible in every way, in every way, im fat af, im ugly af, im useless af, worthless af, i have no hope on me, i lost my mind already, and no one notice, to be honest, no one cares, and honesly i dont care either… Im just waiting for death.
I’m so tired of this! I’m so tired of being treated like trash! I broke up with my girlfriend cause I wasnt happy. She’s now putting me through hell and making me feel horrible. I’m tired of my family being horrible to me. I’m tired of being made fun of. I’m tired of not wanting to go home. I want this to be over but I’m trapped. I cant get out of here alive. I just want to die and get this all over with. I dont have a special person I’ll be leaving so that wont hold me back. No one cares except my […]
I have what seems like a perfect life, but i want out. I have a wonderful caring boyfriend that spoils me with love and affection but it isn’t enough and never will be because i do not love myself. When I look in the mirror all I see is failure. I don’t have a job, can’t keep a job or go back to school.. My social anxiety is a serious problem and the depression isn’t helping either. Living with memories of abuse i suffered as a child really gets to me and my thoughts are uncontrollable, it’s like it just keeps repeating over and over […]
I was just called stupid by my own husband that decided I’m holding him back and that me cutting myself was and is a stupid way to let go of my pain. But what does he know he doesn’t know how much depression hurts and how bad of a toll it takes on people. Anyways he’s deciding that being with me is to much of a problem so as of now I have nothing to look forward to waking up to every day anymore. At least this feeling of hating myself and feeling like a pathetic loser is going to be over soon.
Everyone tries to make me feel as if I’m crazy.
I can’t even talk to my husband because he looks at me like if I were an idiot.
Every time I try to be happy I end up crying and hating myself more than before I wish I knew what to do. As of this moment all I can remember that kept me sane was being a teen and cutting myself because no one was there to judge or tell me I was crazy. I’ve literally just started cutting myself because I just want this pain and sorry feeling to stop!
What a tangled web stuck in a loop of hating myself for not having a life and not having a life because im to depressed and socially awkward to even try
I’m taking a step forward.
The past few years have been rough on me. I’m nineteen, I go to college like any normal student, I have friends, I have a family. Every single person in my life are important to me, and I know they care about me even if they don’t usually show it.
Though I’m so tired of what they’ve been hiding. I’ve been a good friend, I know I have. I don’t talk about anyone behind their backs and people learn to trust me. I joke around, I make my friends laugh, I make them smile, and I’m serious when I need […]
I know the truth I don’t have anyone and never did I just annoy people and ruin things I miss being hugged and talked to anywhere I was I hate hating myself when I die no one should come I’d prefer it I’m unfit for anything I deserve this pain this constant loneliness I can’t let ***** men suffer in silence I’m sorry to my blood line what a disappointment I’ve been my whole lif
Hi, I’m new to this…..and I’m crying right now. I started getting depressed in the 9th grade and that was when my doctor prescribed me anti-depressants. And that was when I wanted to die so I took 5 of those pills but nothing happened. Through time I got better and better until a couple of months ago I started having suicide thoughts and actually cut myself. I’m a religious person and so after that I prayed and promised I would never try it again. I told my mom I was having suicide thoughts and she comforted me and told me it was okay […]
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