No social skills, no interest in making friends, no motivation for work or school. No one can love someone who can’t show love to begin with. You can’t save someone who doesn’t want to be saved. Everything in these 18 years of life have been useless just like me. Why am I here? I didn’t want to be born. I want to stop existing, I want a heart attack or stroke to kill me.
Nothing good comes out of me except bitterness, self-loathing, and hate for this cruel world that has tried to help me but I rejected around every corner. And now I’m unfixable.
5 comments
You are not unfixable, by the way i am 26 and exactly the same you described yourself, and i can only suggest you that you shouldn’t be bothering about all these things, just start meditating every morning, try to find purpose of your life, your magical years are just about to arrive that will shape your life, find the purpose and do whatever it takes to achieve that purpose, life is a long struggle, things and situations change with time. To something for the poor, for the country, go join army, navy or air force or any work voluntarily. Your views towards life will change. Take care.
I wanted to join the navy but can’t because of my psychiatric history. Anything else I never have time for… or decide not to make time because of sulking or procrastination. I’m a selfish human being and sorry for putting this on you and everyone in SP.
I know I have to change but it feels useless all the same. Did life get even a bit more interesting or fun for you? Are you where you want to be?
That is the reason why I’m always afraid to go to the doctor. The only head pills I’ve ever got I’ve never took just for the fear of admitting to officials that I am who I am. I think I have closed my doors before I’ve even tried opening them, so I always settle down and lower my expectations, which only worsens my lack of motivation – how to motivate a person that satisfies himself with basically anything that life throws at him? I keep shooting myself in knee in my career for the same reasons as you describe – I never have time for anything because I never give in any time.
Also, don’t ever feel bad about sharing your thoughts on SP. Sharing your thoughts, stories, fears or even anger is exactly what is SP for.
oh c’mon you don’t have to be sorry for anything….just remember one thing if you’ll keep on thinking the way you’re, you’ll keep on living the way you’re living right now, and believe me the next four or five years are gonna be the most crucial years of your life, follow a hard disciplined schedule, grow a fighting spirit in yourself, i know it’s easier said than done and trust me meditation will definitely help you or you can watch elliot hulse videos on youtube. Try to follow whatever he says and your life will become interesting.
“I don’t belong anywhere”- i think you belong here.