That night.

When i was a freshman, so 14, i tried to commit suicide for the first time. I can’t really explain why. It’s two years later and it still feels like it was all a dream. Sometimes it hits me all at once. Out of nowhere.. like around Christmas, i went and saw my youngest sisters choir concert. I was watching, listening. My dad on one side, my brother on the other. And it hit me.. all at once. Without warning.. as those things tend to do. I looked up at the stage, seeing her sing. My throat got that horrible dry feeling and suddenly the only thing in the world was her voice.. and that thought. I could have missed this. I could have been 6 feet under, while she was up there singing. She needed me.. and i realized i needed her too. I have to be there. To be here. For every choir concert, baseball game, and everytime they trash my room, get me in trouble, and call me names. I need to be there. And at that moment, in the middle of the crowd and the middle schoolers performance. I turned to my dad. And at first i couldnt speak, but all at once i said “i love you.”
He stared at me a minute, from his face i could tell two things. He hadnt heard what id said, and he wanted me to shut up and listen to her sing.
It didnt matter, id said it. I was there to say it.