Thanks to everyone here for listening to me opening up and encouraging me throughout my stay at S.P.! You have helped make my time in this world less miserable. Taking one last look through your kind comments on my posts so far… Why can’t everyone be like you guys?
Anyway… As the title says… This may be ”it”…
Wrote the letter, got the ”equipment” ready and all that other shit, heheh… Now I’m just waiting to get the motivation to do it, which will most likely come tomorrow when I’ll yet again be reminded how big of a failure I am. Whelp… Here goes nothing…
By the way, I left a ”secret” message for you to decipher.
Remember to read between the lines.
I wouldn’t look at the comments until I deciphered it 😉
No problem with posting the answer(s) in the comments.
Good luck to all
Meh… I was bored and decided to use my time doing this for you all
Energy low at the moment, might go sleep soon
Drearing tomorrow, but still feeling relief
Eccentric thoughts flooding my mind
Anyway, rant over
This might be my last post
However, I will not forget the people who helped me.
13 comments
Life is no to be hate it, life is to be lived it. To go out there an try as many times as we need to try to make every day a better day. No in different planet like an E.T, but like human.
First, if you are bored now, to write here, that means that you were busy before. And if you were busy, that is a wonderful thing, that means that you have things to do and things to occupy your time. Then most probably, you are not a failure. When a person is failure like me, we want really to be dead, no with happy faces or happy emotions, with truly painful emotions, with tears rolling over our face. Do you know how a woman feel after been abused? Can you imagine how painful is? But instead we stop here, and then we try to give others what we do not have, we try to give words of support and encouragement. Even if there some that do not really need it.
It is good to remember every person that we find in our life, and be always thankful for the good or the bad they can bring to us. The good become a treasure, and the bad a lesson.
I do not know how serious are you about that “equipment” thing and taken your life, because you are considering yourself a failure, even so you do not look like that. I cannot tell you do not do it.
I wish you the best, I wish you can continue writing here when you get bored. And you find meaning to continue living day by day.
Please stop the fucking emotional blackmail about how others ”have it worse”. Tired as fuck of it, hearing it every day…
Other than that your comment was nice though, much appreciated. But I’m afraid it’s my decision.
Sorry Alex if I offend you or make you mad with any of my comments, never ever was my intention to blackmail you or emotional blackmail you. I was totally honest in the things I wrote to you. I am not that kind of person that go out there attacking, hurting or blackmailing others. I truly care for people and I want the best for all. I do not do others what I do not like others to do to me. Then I do not understand why you took so bad what I wrote. I truly believe you are not failure and you must be very smart.
You can take all the decisions you want. I cannot interfere in your life. I am just an stranger, writing in this forum like many others out here. I do not like to see people like you, that I know can have all in life, feel the way you are feeling. Because I like people to be happy and go out there full of life and with the desire to just live life, work and do good.
Please, never ever take me wrong. The last thing I want in my life now, it is to hurt anyone with my words or to make anyone mad. I would never ever do that. I made a mistake in the past, and a mistake I will no repeat again.
We do not need more stupid, unperson, no smart, dumb, dull, no pretty, un lovable, ungifted, untalented, poor little girl like me. But we need people like you, very smart. I wish you could keep coming here from time to time, and keep writing. I learned new words with you, what make me less little thing. Then Thanks.
Rainyday
What was your mistake?
“BRING ME DEATH.”
Aaaand we have a winner!
ToTrees, my mistake, I was hurt, very deeply hurt, and I went out in a rampage, without control offending others with my words. I really did not want to hurt anyone, I just liberated my madness without to much thinking, without the intention to hurt anyone, But I did. I cannot explain that better, sorry.
I know how you feel. The only reason why I am still alive is because I am a coward. If I had the guts I would have ended it long ago. I think a tiny part of me is still holding out hope that things will get better despite the fact that they never have. I don’t know what your ultimate decision will be but I just hope you find the peace that a lot of us are not finding and maybe never will. You seem like a nice guy I wish you the best in whatever you choose.
I don’t think it’s a matter of being a coward, it’s just that out instinct won’t follow our reason. And it happens to must people unless they have been spiritually killed by someone else. It’s life being life. and I’m also looking for a way to fool it.
@alexther: I have been following your story, and I can’t be more sorry that you are in this headspace tonight. I’m just going to say please don’t do this.
There I said it. And that said, why not give yourself some time. If you have decided it is time to leave this world why not give it one last shot? From what I remember you are going to graduate soon. why not just move the hell out and make a life for yourself? You are not what the people around you say you are, from what I have gathered from your posts you are actually quite strong in will and spirit. Just my two cents is all. I rather like your defiant nature.
Do think this through. Even if you planned out everything, it’s best to exhaust every possibility first, even if it might sound far fetched. If you are indeed graduating soon… hell, life changes so much after that, maybe sticking around to see what comes out of that could be a good way of finding a reason to go on, or just (in the worst of cases) reassuring that the choice you made is the right one. Whatever you end up doing i do hope you find what you’re looking for.
@mf: do you think he is gone?
I don’t know…
Am I?