I usually stay up at night and question whether I have a future or not… honestly, I do not know. I am a failure. In my own family, people whom are supposed to love and protect me, I get abused physically, verbally and emotionally. I don’t know what to feel anymore because in all honesty, I can’t even love my own parents. I wake up everyday inside this madhouse and I’m slowly losing my grip on reality. Truthfully, I have lost all my respects for humanity. People can change, but they usually choose not to. Only the cruel and greedy ones ever win in this world. Let’s be honest here, do you really think society can change for the better? Because I don’t. I don’t know what to do with my life… I don’t want a future.. I really don’t. I’ve tried killing myself multiple times but I fail… how the hell did I fail? I try OD myself so many times but nothing happens.. even when it comes to dying, I fail. Sometimes I wish I had cancer so that I have an excuse to feel this way because, let’s face it, no one truly understands. Everyone keeps saying “it gets better” but I’ve been waiting for it to get fucking better and it doesn’t. WHEN WILL IT GET BETTER? Maybe at my funeral… I’m sick and I’m tired of all the drama at home, at school at everywhere. The pain is too much… the pain is too real. I bleed everyday hoping that maybe the blood that flows out of my body takes the pain with it, but it never does… I wish everything would just stop hurting. I wish it so much.
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Hey, I agree with you. I don’t think it gets better. Ppl say it will get better or time heals wounds. I think they just say those things so u feel better for the moment so they can move onto something else in their lives. There was a time that I waited for “things to get better” yea, I don’t want to kill myself, but I don’t want to keep living either. I don’t like anything anymore. I just do things. “Life is what u make it” if u want it to get better then you have to make it better yourself for yourself. I’m still sad everyday, not liking things doesn’t add to making me feel bettrr either. I’m unsuccessful, unemployed still as for the abuse you deal with. Theres only so much you can take. I was feeling and dealing with verbal abuse, but I left the ppl. So called friends were dishing it out., I seperated mtself from them. Things are not better, I hate myself, everything I thought that I believed in and just live. Whether I like it or not. I don’t and thats it… I hope you find peace of mind some day, because I don’t want anyone to have to feel like me.
I’m sorry you feel this way. I don’t know what I want to do with my life either; because I DON’T want to do anything with my life. I just want to die. No future here. If i say so myself it seems like the world is controlled by rich, greedy and powerful people. I realize not all rich people are greedy but alot are. Poor, rich, middle, so much greed.