At least that’s how it feels everything is going.
Everyone here would love to disagree with me. “But Brittany, you’re such a brilliant girl!” “But Brittany, you’re such a social butterfly! Everyone loves you!”
It doesn’t feel like it…
I can’t find the will to get out of bed anymore, I think it’s getting bad again, but I don’t know how to tell anyone… Because there’s always something they see that somehow proves that I’m completely fine- in their opinion. I’m constantly numb. I’ve thought of things I haven’t thought of in a while and it scares me. I don’t want to go back to being desperate to feel something, to feel anything.
I’m trying so hard, and I want to be better. I’m tired of being sick. I want to get well and live my fucking life the way I want. I’m tired of being a slave to my own mind. Why do I always end up taking one step forward and two back?
As always, I hope whoever reads this is doing somewhat okay. Thanks for taking time to read this; wish I could’ve been a bit more cheery for you. I love you and I hope that if you’re not okay that you feel better soon.
5 comments
hi there.. thank you for sharing
You too I hope you will have a nice day
I just noticed you’ve been here since 2012. You must be pretty tough to survive that long. I just wanted to comment yes sometimes the “brilliant, social, loved” people have it just as bad as the the “stupid, alone, hated” people. Others opinions are just that, opinions. Nobody knows what each person feels, or in your case doesn’t feel, inside. No helpful advice here, just sympathy.
Ah yes.. 2012 was a bit of a really… really rough patch for me I was 13/14 that year and had just started getting bad. I forgot all about this site for a little bit then realized “there is one place I can post that no one I know in person would think about to check” and came back.
Sometimes just sympathy is okay ? thank you.
You’re right, it’s nice to have a secret place away from fb and twitter and the popular places which have become as fake and plastic as real life. You know what would be cool is a judgment free social networking site where you can write how suicidally depressed you are and post butt ugly pictures of yourself because that’s the way you feel. lol dunno if that made any sense.
I’m sure you’ve had a few really good days between 2012 and now. Maybe if you try to think of one, then repeat whatever you did to make it happen? That’s what I keep trying, it gets me out of bed even if I’m miserable again by sunset.