What makes me really suicidal and want to give up is that fact that I have sooo many issues. If I just had one or two then they would be manageable but there is so many battles that must be won, only to have another one appear and I have to try again.
I dont think Im that strong, if I could win them I gladly would, I dont have the capacity and looking at life realistically tells me that I never will.
How can I overcome my social phobia, my addictive behavior, my fear of success and performance issues, my inferiority complex, my bad memory, my limited knowledge and intelligence and the sick thoughts and urges I get everyday.
I just want to give up, its too much, and I cant see a light at the end of this horrible tunnel
4 comments
Hey I’m a recovering addict. I don’t know what exactly your going through but with regards to addiction it’s a tough life. Suicide is a very common feeling for those trapped in addiction and in early recovery. If your struggling with addiction if you haven’t already tried get some help or join a group.. alcoholics anonymous or narcotics anonymous are pretty common groups. I though it was going to be gay as fuck but it’d really just a bunch of good people trying to solve a common problem so it’s a good place to start
I did treatment my first time around it helped alot too and I fuck edit up a bit but I’m a month sober again today actually.. it’s tough but it also made my other conditions worse and I knew I had to stop.
Baby steps? One thing at a time instead of letting the mass of dread suffocate you all at once? It’s entirely possible you’re stronger than you think, and winning a battle here or there could give you even more bravery in the face of the war.
Yeah it totally sucks when there are toooo many things to get over.
Last year I had quite a lot of personal things beyond my control that happened to me,
deaths etc, and each time they knocked me over I got up all proud of my strength in handling it and bang then another one threw me down and after having a whole year of it and it is now continuing in to this year I’m exhausted. It can leave you feeling very drained because it does take huge amounts of energy to stay on top of anything & everything and that’s when we say we have had enough. That’s what a lot of people just don’t get about being suicidal, is the part we feel when we just want it to stop, or at least give us a break so we can catch our breath.
Like right now I can’t even concentrate on typing this because I have this annoying racket going on outside my house. Sometimes its just a little peace and quiet I’m craving.
So I’ll try and break it down simple for you and hopefully it might make you feel a little better.
Number 1 issue – social phobia – you are getting over that right now right here with us all by being social here – winner 🙂
Number 2 – addictive behaviour – just replace it with a positive healthy addiction. So you can still have your addictive behaviour but it can just be a good one – again winner 🙂
Number 3 – fear of success & performance issues – ok find something really really simple and easy to achieve and do it then say wow look I succeeded – winner again 🙂
Number 4- Inferiority complex – inferior to who? Maybe they are inferior to you. Turn it around.
Its just someone elses opinion and what makes theirs more important than your own. You are superior to them. I’ve just decided that ok – you’re a winner again 🙂
Number 5 – bad memory – we don’t really need it to be good anyway so don’t worry about it – you’ll soon forget you had a bad memory in the first place – see you conquered that already
winner again 🙂
Number 6 – limited knowledge & intelligence – again says who? you seem quite knowledgeable & intelligent to me, you can compose a sentence & express your feelings – that’s intelligent –
its only someone elses’ opinion of what makes one more intelligent & knowledable.
I’m sure there are things you know how to do that I wouldn’t have a clue about and vice versa.
Everyone has their own special unique intelligence and knowledge so yes you are a winner again 🙂
Number 7 – sick thoughts & urges – again by who’s definition – they could be completely sane and intelligent & knowledgeable thoughts and urges. Who are we to judge and who are you to judge them as wrong.
To sum it all up
Never ever ever think that the way you are is wrong – you are just different and that’s what makes you unique – and yes I’m going to say it again – YOU ARE A WINNER 🙂
Hope this put a smile on your face 🙂
wow that was very long now that I look at it.
Hope there’s not a limit on how many words we can post.
I can get on a bit of a flow sometimes.
When I write letters they tend to end up as books ha ha