I can’t do this anymore. I keep getting beaten down and its exhausting. I’m tired. People keep telling me that “you’re so beautiful” or something along those lines, but they can’t see what’s inside of me; inside I am blackened and crumpled and there is only a faint glow of life but it’s about to go out. I have been struggling on my own for 3.5 years now and I can’t do it anymore. I’ve been crying out for help but my “friends” either don’t care and walk away or they don’t know me well enough to recognize my pleas. For a little while I thought that my life might finally be turning around, but it ended up transforming into something unrecognizable and torturous. My ex mentally, emotionally, and physically abused me and that has left behind damage that I can never repair. I’m done fighting for my happiness and for my life, I’m not strong enough. I know that some people will be upset by my death but they will overcome their grief in a few months if not less, and that is much more manageable than the lifetime of hell that I would have to endure if I stayed alive. Today I plan on giving my coach a letter explaining how sorry I am that he has to be the first one to find out what has happened to me but how happy I will be to finally have peace. I have been debating suicide for a while now but I have no future and I am too scared to keep living. I feel awful if I cause anyone pain by my death but I can’t live life miserable and numb.
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2 comments
I understand. I could have written half of what you’ve said.
I’m sorry to hear what your going through. And I understand that peace that you imagine feeling after suicide. I have been there and I liked the idea of ridding all the pains and struggles with death. I am not encouraging suicide to anyone. But I hope you find your peace. If you choose otherwise, know that there are people who are here for you. If you need someone to talk to, I can be that person.