Sorry everyone. Miles from home. Resources are scarce. My options limited. Chosen method effective but requires commitment and determination. Going to vibe to my favorite tunes. Trying to prepare. A few loose ends I wish I could tie but there’s no time.
Sorry I can’t finish Super Suicide Squad. Sorry.
There’s a lot I want to say to a specific few of you. I’m afraid I’ll back out tonight. So I’m not going to. Just know I think a few of you are just swell.
Sorry.
46 comments
Something told me I needed to check SP.
Why is this so sudden, AO?
It’s been along time coming. Basically my vile self hatred is boiling over. I lost it this weekend. I seen the terror in my kids eyes. I can’t be the cause of that terror.
How are you?
Kinda scared, kinda hopeful.
As to the second half of my question?
Second half?
The cause of that terror?
What did you do to them?
The witnessed a pretty big blow out fight. I left. Which I’m always gone. Came back, fought some more. Shit was broken. Just so much ugliness.
They don’t understand the complexity, I don’t want to make them immune to chaos.
Immune to chaos? I don’t think I understand, either. But…would it be less ugly without you?
Yep
I got awhile. I got to get equipment back to company grounds. Don’t want to cause them any issues
I don’t think your children want to lose you.
My parents were awful when I was younger. My father was downright abusive, many times. But now just the thought of losing him destroys me inside. Your kids might be the same. Please don’t do this.
I don’t think they do either. I’m the cool parent. I do the awesome stuff. Art project, music etc.
I just don’t want them to learn my darker side.
I’m sure to them, the rest of you is more than worth knowing the darker side. All parents have problems. You’re only a human being.
It’s all been considered. Strictly in a “for their sake” perspective. It’s really for the best. The fighting is getting intense. Besides the obvious effects, my next domestic is a 3rd offence habitual. So felony. Separation is so unlikely as their mom has a million reasons against it. It’s definitely going to put them in the middle in a choose sides situation
How far away from home are you?
Something like 700-800 miles. Heading into a satellite office so they don’t have to search for their stuff.
That is a very, very long way from home.
Meh, normal week.
5 miles to the office. I’m not saying goodbye to anyone this time. Wife called to tell me God told her to tell me not to hurt myself. Ironic. She preached some Jesus chatter. Was all I could do not to laugh.
She has no clue about any of this, then….?
She knows of my past. She knows I been really down. She knows nothing of my intent tonight. That’s one of my loose ends I wish I could tie, is at least give her the info she’ll need to run the finances, but she’d know something’s up.
Side note, is it ridiculous I’m still finishing my work order?
Finishing your work order means you have a good work ethic, which is respectable.
Well. Here I sit. Enjoying a smoke. Brain is going nuts. I just gotta prove I can do this.
Prove….?
You could prove that you’re capable of doing this,
or…
You could prove that you are capable of working your way through it in another way. Maybe a solution you haven’t even thought of yet.
Which way would make your kids respect you the most?
To yourself? To anyone else? Is the value in knowing you can? I think I may be nuts as well. Maybe I’d just like to hear more.
I’m very disappointed in myself at the moment. I’ve accomplished creating some unpleasant bruising. I always leave myself a way out.
Where is the bruising?
Neck. I thought using a cable winch with a paddle lock would make it hard enough. I only need 7 minutes. I’m barely getting 2. Just enough to feel woozy. I’m too nerves
I realize you probably don’t want to hear anyone say this, but I’m thankful to hear it didn’t work. Please stay here with us.
Will shirt collars be able to hide the bruises (to keep people from asking nosy questions?)
Yeah. Uniform will.
Sorry I’m wasting everyone’s time.
Not at all!
This is the whole reason the group exists.
If you were posting about muffin recipes, then it might be wasting our time (unless we were hungry for muffins).
Posting was the right choice.
Right yeah. I’m just sick of feeling like the boy who cried wolf.
Meh.
Instead of “boy who cried wolf”,
think “survivor”.
🙂
It’s alright. Some days are worse than others.
i’m sorry it came to this
Try stay strong
This is all too much
Fuck sakes people, what is happening around here this week????
Alan are you still alive? This is awful. I just can’t say how awful this is. I’m just reading this now. It took me an hour to read comments this morning and I finally get to this and I’m thinking WFT???
I have nothing this morning. Does anyone have news about him???
I’m here… Learned a lot. Soon I can do this.
DON’T DIE &%$)%ER.
Poetic
Please dont die