Hello everyone, just wanted to say hi and tell my story. I am not sure how this will help but if anything, it’s worth a try.
I have been dealing with depression and suicide since my early teens or even further before that. According to my mother I always had no or low self esteem and feelings of hopelessness. I never had many friends and if, the friendship was one sided and often abusive.
To make a very long story short:
Have been bullied from elementary to the end of high school for being too “girly”, small, weak and weird. Was sexually taken advantage of twice in my life, first time with only 5. Parents were hugely disappointed in me that I was gay/bi and asked what is wrong with me. Then threatened to kick me out when I came out as transgender AFTER they had agreed to come with me to the doc for a talk. They still disapprove of me and try to guilt trip me into being their boy again by blaming me for having lost a job because of physical features (like length of hair) or clothing choices.
Have been on and off with self harm since I was 19 and had two major suicide attempts that locked me into a mental clinic for a short time. Minor attempts are numerous and I can’t remember anymore how often I have tried it. I am hearing voices since 16 years old and they often contribute in self harm and attempts of suicide.
All in all… I am counting the days to when I “snap” again and either land back at the clinic or in a grave finally.
there might be a glint of hope left but I don’t know where to find it.
5 comments
Greetings Blood_Lotus. Thanks for sharing your story. Boy, that’s a story. Isn’t it interesting how everyone calls it their ‘story’ and we’re so involved to the point of wanting to kill the main character in the story, which is US. But if you read a Stephen King ‘story’, well, it’s just a story. Fun to read, but you don’t get so personally involved because it’s not your story. I don’t know what I’m trying to say here.??? Maybe somehow move back, don’t take ownership, don’t be so attached to the story of this supposed life we’re living. Hard to do…maybe impossible. Just tossing this out there. Thanks for writing and being here. You sound like a cool guy.
Thank you for reading. If I distance myself from, well my own self, I see someone unable to express their emotions properly for one and is consumed by those thoughts and voices. It doesn’t help that her surroundings are toxic to her as barely anyone shows support for her being a transfemale and rather had the guy back they once knew. This internal and external conflict pulls them apart.
That is one hell of a story and I thought I had it bad… I want to be your friend if that’s ok with you if not I understand you’ll be a friend to me either way 😀 *hands you a cookie* 🙂 Your awesome as fuck don’t let anyone tell you otherwise 🙂
If you don’t know where you are going any road will get you there
-Cheshire Cat, Alice in wonderland
Every adventure requires a first step
-Cheshire Cat, Alice in wonderland
-Suicide :3
I often times have trouble with people but that never stopped me from getting into a friendship. No matter how it turns out.
Welcome