I’ve struggled with depression, insecurity, and severe anxiety disorder for as long as I can remember. My first appointment with a therapist occurred when I was 10 years old, I’m currently a sophomore in college. My depression comes and goes but I feel like it’s just been around for a while this time and it’s worse than ever before. I’ve never really struggled with suicidal thoughts, until just recently. The thing about it is: I do not want to die, I just have no desire to live. I don’t truly believe I could go through with killing myself, but I can’t stop thinking about it. I no longer see a therapist since I moved out for college, I suck at taking my antidepressants, and I keep all my emotions bottled up so I feel like I’m the only person to blame for the way I’m feeling. I just need someone to tell me that I’m okay. I just need reassurance and for someone to tell me what I’m feeling is normal and that I’ll get better just like I have so many times before. But the added stress of living on my own just isn’t helping my situation. I guess I just need someone to talk to because I don’t think any of my friends will understand what I’m feeling. I don’t want them to think I’m crazy or going to off myself at any minute because I don’t want them to treat me different.
I notice the world we live in is unkind, and it is very hard to find a kind place. Even if you aren’t religious I want to give you some words that help me when I have no one to talk to and no one who understands how I feel. I know for me God and the Bible has helped but maybe for you it will be something else still I’d like to share what I can. “How blessed are the poor in spirit: the kingdom of Heaven is theirs. Blessed are the gentle: they shall have the earth as inheritance. Blessed are those who mourn: they shall be comforted. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for uprightness: they shall have their fill. Blessed are the merciful: they shall have mercy shown them. Blessed are the pure in heart: they shall see God. Blessed are the peacemakers: they shall be recognised as children of God. Blessed are those who are persecuted in the cause of uprightness the kingdom of Heaven is theirs.” I know you may think this doesn’t involve your situation. I don’t know your back story, but anxiety happens for a reason. Sometimes it is an affliction of the mind or circumstance but the fact you are trying to deal with it yourself and not burden others makes you a good person and I know you might not want to hear this from me but God loves you. Jesus loves you.
I was raised in a Christian home, and although I’m not exactly sure what religion I follow (if any) I do appreciate your comment wholeheartedly. It’s so nice to share something that you hold so dearly in order to make me feel better. I don’t know what causes my anxiety or my depression, it’s not like my childhood was terrible. I have friends, a great family, I am loved even though it’s hard for me to believe due to insecurity and low self-esteem. But I can’t love myself, and I can’t understand why it’s so hard for me. I know people have it a lot worse than me and so I feel selfish for feeling this unhappy. However, thank you so much for your kind words ?
I did mention it can also be an affliction of the mind. That I think is worse because you can’t control it. However thank you for not bashing me for being Catholic. I just try to share what helps me.