Let me say this once for the whole world to hear: I. HATE. YOU. ALL.
I am bringing this up again, I was admitted to the E.R. yesterday for suicidal thoughts after my psychologist knew it was beyond her control.
My family, my mother she was pissed. She complained about how the 50$ wasted for parking in the hospital could’ve been used for buying shoes. She said, “Poor, poor girl….Your sister wanted to go shopping, and now she can’t because this bloody (insert swear words) crazy idiot did all this.” My father complained about missing work. My sister called me a dumb stupid teenager and I was making everything up.
Today my father forced me to wake up and clean the entire house, do the dishes and more.
10 psychologists, psychiatrists, counselors, etc, all yesterday. I’m weary of talking.
My friend, the only one, I believe is crap. She talks like she doesn’t care. “Ok. Cool. Idc.” Fuck her.
I have no support. No friends. No family, (I only realized yesterday), and I’m so tired of the psychologists and stuff. They are draining me.
I have nobody.
I’m sorry, but please don’t mind me.
This community here is pissing me off to.
I can’t help it. I am angry. Too angry.
I am angry at the world. And I know nobody cares and nobody is listening.
I know that now. Everyone left me at my WORST moment, yesterday. When I was admitting to the hospital for suicide shit.
Everyone left me.
And I don’t care if this is minor, but the ambulance guy there who came, he was so kind to me while I gave him my most coldest looks. He offered a tissue and smile and joked around. He was funny and serious. And he was the only one who made the day easy. The psychologist I was seeing at the time couldn’t even come with me to the emergency cuz she was too busy. I had no friend, and after yesterday realized how careless my parents are, this entire time I thought my suicide would break them but its only making them more selfish. And of course, the ambulance guy left, its not like he could stay.
Still I felt he was a traitor. A damn ass traitor for leaving me when I was screaming on the inside for someone to help me. Instead I had my parents forcefully screaming at me in the room when the doctor left. My friends don’t care. My family don’t care, and you know what? Nobody cares.
Nobody will even read this.
Thank you. I know I am alone in this world. I get it.
I read it. I wish I could reach through the Internet and give you a hug. I wish your family wasn’t so awful to you. Is there any way you can move out on your own? I can’t remember if you are in hs or not…
GT, you know for a fact that I’m reading and keeping up with all of this… I’m just sorry that I can’t think of anything useful to say…. and pissed the fuck off that they called something like this a cry for attention… Like WTH?
1. I love you. You’re my friend, and I’m still here when you want to talk.
2. There’s noone else for you to turn to, is there?
3. Still can’t believe that bullshit your family said to you. It just makes my blood boil.
I’m so sorry that everyone has been so awful to you. You don’t deserve this
Heya, GTS. I care and I’m here for you, as well as this whole community. I feel the same, not many people to go to here and my family…hell, I can’t even talk about my depression with them they’re so judgmental. It scares the crap out of me because I know when I bottom out, the risk of me exploding and doing something spontaneously (and maybe irrationally) is high, because the rest of the time I feel like I have to maintain the illusion of control for everyone else.
I’ve found that when those points come…I hop on here and rant and vent, sometimes pounding the keys typing as fast as I can, sometimes being tangential or less cohesive than normal. But the cohesion doesn’t matter. The fact that I vented does and the people here on SP can actually relate to the feelings without judgment or just topical words. I know it seems like no one feels your pain…that you’re in this alone. You’re not. I feel the same type of pain and I want it to stop too and am still clinging on to hope that it can.
Your feelings are worth it to me and everyone here. You can be heard here, and hopefully somewhere else too over time as your environment changes. If for now, this is the only relatable place to find solace, then let it be. We care about you and sometimes sharing with the community here gers you through just one more day when all was lost.
I read this. I care.
Your family is shit. When you turn 18, you need to leave them. Don’t even look back. It’ll be the best decision you ever make.
God damn, your family fucking sucks.
I wish I could help you somehow.
Hi GTS, I read your post. I understand how you feel. I don’t know how old you are, but if you are young- you have more ‘hope’ than some of us (i.e. me) that things can get better. When I moved out, things did get a whole lot better- I was healing mentally and emotionally. Unfortunately for me, I got sick at 23, and then severely injured at 28, then very very sick at 34, and that’s when my life was over, beginning at 23.
Anyway, you are young. You are healthy. Your life CAN turn around, if family is one of the problems then moving out and excommunicating yourself is a good start. I just accepted that my family was crap and they were nothing but abusive to me. I tried to build a life outside of that. If you keep trying to get sympathy, empathy, and love from people who are unable to give it, then you will only fail and be disappointed each time, because THEY will never change. So you have to be the one to change and move on.