So I did a bad thing. Today is my boyfriends birthday and I was scrolling through facebook and saw a post from a friend of ours who I think over steps her boundaries with him.
It was a happy birthday post, however it wasn’t good. It basically said “you’re not at uni, you don’t have a job, you don’t have any hobbies and you don’t leave your room. Maybe this is the year you’ll do something. Happy birthday my lover and my friend”
Tell me what part of that post isn’t appropriate! That, in my opinion, isn’t nice. So in a fitof misery and anger, I went into his facebook and deleted it. Afterwards I felt ashamed so I told him. He said he was annoyed, but he wouldn’t get angry at me because he knows I’m unstable. That doesn’t stop me from being disappointed with myself.
He told me to call ac counsellor and make an appointment, and straight after I did I self harmer again for the first time in 3 months. I didn’t do it for any other reason besides that I needed to be punished for being a bad girlfriend.
I probably deserve to die because of this, I’m disgusting and untrustworthy and stupid. I should probably just get it over with.
12 comments
I dont believe you deserve to die because of this. You just going through some stuff and have it very difficult at the moment. Well first I think you should call or message that Lady and tell her that you want her to stay away from your BF. She might not know how you feel about it. Just let her know and she will probably stop it.
Yeah, that post that was made > certainly sounds like a general PUT DOWN> and given that it was supposed to be for your birthday. I believe it to be UNCALLED FOR and inappropriate.
and given that it was done on FB… in a public viewing place… that makes it even worse
If I were you I would confront him about that and say that you dont appreciate put down comments like that.
Well I am sorry that you feel the way that you do. I hope that things get better for you.
Just because u deleted a post on fb don’t mean ur stupid or need to die sorry to hear you self harmed
Right now you’re feeling like you did something sneaky and very childish, and it was. You did it because you’re jealous of this girl flirting with your bf and you felt the post was mean. I suspect you deleted it more from the jealousy than the want to protect him and that’s why you’re feeling so down on yourself.
HOWEVER – You’re NOT a bad gf. The fact that you immediately told your bf what you did was extremely mature. And that he was OK with you doing it and understands that you’re not in a Good Place emotionally means you have a good relationship. That he wanted you to talk to a councilor may mean he saw you were feeling *too* guilty about it and was concerned for your well being. If he’s forgiven you then that’s all that matters. Learn from it though, and next time tell your bf if you don’t like something she does or posts and let him handle it. Lessons like this are how relationships (and people) grow and mature.
She called him her lover? Are you sure he isn’t cheating with her?
I do not see anything you did wrong aside maybe from deleting a post without his prior consent. If he isn’t cheating, then that girl is a *****. And yeah, you should probably message him and say… “Uh… I’m his girlfriend, not you, so please shut up.”
Do NOT feel bad. SHE is the one at fault, not you.
*message her, I meant to say
I know he’s not cheating because his sister would tell me, she doesn’t like thia girl either and she’s not allowed to leave the house unsupervised because she is at a suicide risk. I agree with everyone else, she’s just trying to cause an argument or she thinks it’s funny.
If she called him “lover” you have all the reasons to be upset. Maybe a good thing would have been to ask your bf why the hell she’s calling him lover over facebook, because like nepheliad says above, either she’s trying to get to him, or he’s cheating, otherwise i can’t think of any reason for her to call him lover.
FTR i don’t think that you were a bad girlfriend, if anything he should better draw the line with her female friends.
I think that girl was trying to get him into trouble with you, because all she said was mean and maybe she is just mad at him for being with you and not with her…. no one would call anyone a lover unless that person is trying or to seduce that person or to make the world wonder about it.
So I wouldn’t take bar seriously in the message but I wouldn’t like her like a friens any more either.
It’s okay to be a little embarrassed about doing something you shouldn’t have, but you don’t deserve to die or be in pain over it. I self-harm too and I know how it feels to need punishment but maybe it’ll help to think of it this way, if you talked about it with your boyfriend you already made amends. Since you talked it over with your boyfriend I think the situation is fine, and I don’t think it makes you a bad girlfriend. Also, you wouldn’t deserve to die even if you were a bad girlfriend.
Good for you for deleting that trashy women’s comment. Talk about no class. However, do you really want to stay with a man that allows you to be disrespected in this way? If it didn’t bother you it would be different. My troll of a husband gets all kinds of manner of OMG you did NOT just say that to my husband kind of shit on about a daily basis. I don’t care. I can’t control what he does, people have free will and either they will or they won’t cheat. What I can control is how I react to what is going on. I’m not saying I wouldn’t be deeply hurt if he started having some kind of torrid affair, what I am saying is that I have no control if he does or he does not so I chose to just not react to it or let it rent space in my brain.
I’ll add I have precious space left up there in the grey matter zone, so parking is at a premium.
I know he’s not cheating, my theory is that this girl is just trying to have a joke. A joke that isn’t funny.
Like, I call my best friend “bae” “before anyone else” as a joke, I don’t call my boyfriend “bae” because in my opinion it’s shallow and not something you say to a partner. I call him “Hoshi” because it means “star” in Japanese – he likes space and he’s my star. That is intimate.