My Gosh. Every little thing makes me cry these days. I was at the supermarket today, buying food. An old song came on. I was transported back to my childhood. Emotion! I started to think how this person, this mind, this consciousness could so easily and quickly come to an end. Every single experience I ever had – gone.
I saw a lady, hobbling around on what seemed to be an arthritic knee. I was reminded of the small amount of money I had set aside for when I’d imagined I would buy another home. And how I had thought that money would be much better used to help my Mum with her knees.
Then, last of all, I saw an old man. Just an old man, walking around slowly as they do. But what hardships had he been through in his life, and was this his reward for getting through them – a weathered old body that didn’t work the way it used to? I had to take deep breaths to keep from bursting into tears.
Sorry guys, just feeling super emotional at the moment.
8 comments
No need to apologize, I believe most if not all of us have been there, certainly I have when things weren’t going so well for me. Mind you I thought I reached some stability and happiness in my life but looks like life threw me another curveball recently and I might have to move to a new place in a number of months-though it’s possible I might be able to stay in my current apt, but it’ll take a couple of months to find out. Still I’m going to prepare just in case I have to leave so I’m not scrambling last minute.
But back to you-I’m assuming things could be pretty tough for you right now. If you’re not able to cope perhaps there are people in your life that you can rely to help you. When I was in a similar situation to you, income was very tight until I eventually got a decent job, then things got much better. I hope whatever it is you’re going through that you’ll be able to overcome it…don’t limit your options either or let pride get in the way.
Oh I wish it were that simple to just have one problem to solve. But, it’s many… Only time will tell if I’m able to get through it. But it’s also time which I am not sure I can’t get through.
I hope your move goes smoothly, if it comes to that.
Well that was the key problem for me that solved others. Presently it’s not just moving that’s an issue-I’ve taken some time off work and I might be forced to go back-there’s no guarantee there will be a job for me either and it’s a place I hate. I took the time off to try to become self-employed or failing that, find a better job. Now I might not get that option.
There are other issues as well, including health, being single and I could keep going on. But it’s the big ones you should focus on first-money usually is key. The rest could be resolved after. Thanks, good luck in your situation as well.
Zeldasky..thank you so much for sharing … makes me feel a little lešs alone. i almost always feel this way..
I’ve noticed that things will trigger me lately in public too.
It’s embarrassing if someone sees; I always have to pretend like there’s just something in my eye, or my glasses need cleaning.
I knew that you would all understand : )
I almost cried watching the season finale of Face-Off. The girl who was a cake decorator won. I was so happy to see somebody beating the odds. My Dad was watching it with me. I couldn’t even speak.
I know what you mean. It’s a curse; I get set off in the stupidest of circumstances. Whenever I’m in public, I see people around me who’s pains I know nothing about and who know nothing of my pains, and I imagine the world as one big miserable cycle of pain and suffering where everyone is a lone soldier in their own invisible war, where the only outcome is death. I cried in a grocery store parking lot today because of this train of thought. Glad to know I’m not the only totally fucked up individual who does this ^^;