Damn it

I didnt want to post but im starting to feel like absolute shit. I hate the way the mind works. Do you know why you/we have emotional triggers? Evolutionary psychology. Your (subconscious) mind doesn’t want you to cause yourself danger. As a result it reminds you of a (perceived) danger when you see something that signifies it. In the past you could see an area of your surroundings that meant there were dangerous animals or that you had a previous encounter with one in the area youd scare yourself to know not to continue. Now a days if you see a reminder of your past depression or pain or anger you scare yourself to remind yourself not to continue. Unfortunately there is nowhere to run in your own mind. So when my brain triggers pain and i feel stuck from the percieved danger of living im stuck. The media arounds us plays on this shit(evolutionary psychology). We are given things presented to make us feel unworthy. We are in an unatural habitat. We are given an abnormal standard for normalcy. I want to die and thats my own fault. But for fuck sakes i havent a clue how to connect to anything or to motivate myself to anything. I want to kill myself but i have no reliable method. I dont know how to shift myself into a positive hopeful way of thinking. I dont even have a way to be neutral. A heart attack would be a gods send. I don’t know how to be a human. I’m an anti social angry weirdo and retard and im tired of being alive.