Angry at a certain someone, but still feel okay.
Here’s what a supposed friend of mine said to me a few days ago. Since I’m an internalizer as my therapist calls it, it keeps playing over and over in my head and pissing me off all over again.
I used to feel so sad for you and your family. I’d pray for you guys, for God to comfort you and give you strength. Until I realized you don’t want to get better. Now I feel so sad for your mother, for all she is going through because of your “illness”.
You strike me as one person who loves and enjoys what you going through. One who doesn’t want to get better. You are so negative. You cannot want to get better and still be as negative as you get. You know people who want to get better, people who are suffering. You are hindering that process. The process of getting better.
Shouldn’t your Mom be the one experiencing most difficulty? She is his mother after all. Your sisters. Your father. Why you?
Your negativity is draining. It has to come to an end. You have to accept. Everyone at home has. (As if the ***** knows what has been going on in my household.) I really just don’t like your negativity.
I can’t even help you. I only know the bible way. God’s way. That’s the only help I can offer.
I saw your emails to your people. (My people being my friends on SP. ***** went through my emails.) Who are you trying to fool?
You don’t need God. You can do this on your own. So you got this girl. You brave. I don’t know how I’d get through life challenges without God. You are brave to actually rely on your own strength. You got this girl. Don’t let anyone bring you down. You are a shame. You are failing on your own. Why not give it all to God? Please. Try someone else who has a softer spot for you. Its a wicked world out there. A little advice here and there.
I won’t offend you or mock you. I wanna help you.
Ylem is pissed. I’m still okay in general. Still happy. But I’m fucking pissed.
Ylem is going to fuck a ***** up. Seriously. I’m going to kill this *****.
I’m an internalizer. This keeps playing over and over again in my head. I can’t let it go. I won’t let it go.
It takes a few words to push someone over the edge. I kept quiet long enough listening to all these judgemental remarks from her. For months. I cried. She made me cry right before an exam. It’s time I showed her just what kind of rachet ghetto ***** Ylem can actually be. I will fuck her up, I swear.